[Hook]
My God
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Check your priorities
At once
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Your punctuation policies
Are wrong
Jacob Rees-Mogg
No “and” following comma, please
What
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Is with all these frivolities?

[Verse 1]
Mr. Rees-Mogg
I understand your concerns
But I cannot tell you that I am pleased to learn
The list of words which you determine
Unacceptable and worthless
Due to the fact of their being no longer fit for purpose
You’d better check your work
‘Cause when I look at Hansard
There are countless examples of you flouting your own standards
You've too many I's yourself
What an ongoing disappointment
And thus calling to question your self appointed anointment
As the guardian and arbiter of grammatical convention
So see me after class Rees-Mogg
You’ve got yourself into detention
Whether or not it was your intention
You’ve brought attention to the boiling tension
And contentions we’re all fomenting
There’s no point in pretending we all can be friends
And it’s hard to enforce a convention in language
When language is always dissenting
It wasn’t always cemented in rules
Semantics or how things are meant to be called
The fact that language is bending is cool
Ascending through trends and transcending all
The attempts to control and restrain its application’s
A source of endless fascination
But actually, Jacob, I’ve taken a minute just to ascertain
Whether I’ve considered and have given it enough cogitation
To safely treat this linguistic oversimplification as
Just a misinterpretation deserving of floccinaucinihilipilification
Or if you’re a pillock deserving of all of this vilification
[Hook]
My God
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Check your priorities
At once
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Your punctuation policies
Are wrong
Jacob Rees-Mogg
No “and” following comma, please
What
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Is with all these frivolities?

[Verse 2]
You’re a man that hasn’t got a lot of equals
You don’t want to be like the comma people
Use religion to excuse your belief
Stating same sex marriages should not be legal
But I’ve got to give it to you
You’re a man of principle
And an imbecile but honestly
I’m really rather quite surprised to find
You don’t believe in hanging criminals
You’re cut from a cloth of vellum
Despite what everyone says you’re not a bellend
You’re a little bit privileged, very old fashioned
But you stick to principles with a passion
But when you’re in the chicken coop
You get covered in chicken poo
Why did you give a speech to the Traditional Britain Group
Now you can never say that is something you didn’t do
You also sat and planned stuff with Steve Bannon didn’t you?
Never change your babbies’ nappies
That’s what nannies do
Naturally, anyway you’ve got an allergy, ask Ali G
Jacob is the member for the 18th century
If contemporary’s an ailment he’s the remedy
He doesn’t want anything to do with anything that is in living memory
It’s not cricket if you’ve not got a ticket for entry into the Gentry
He isn’t so friendly, nah, that’s a fib
He’s a man of the people on which we each can depend
Though Jacob, I speculate you won’t reply
Though hopefully you do
Jacob I’ve invested so much of my time in you
And how should I refer to you?
Is it earl, lord, duke, baron, earl or sire?
Yours sincerely, Daniel Cheltenham Douglby Digby Bull Esquire
[Hook]
My God
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Check your priorities
At once
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Your punctuation policies
Are wrong
Jacob Rees-Mogg
No “and” following comma, please
What
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Is with all these frivolities?