[Spoken]
Good evening, do you know any good monsters?
Did you ever swerve your car at today's top speed
Of thirty-five miles an hour into an automobile?
Do you ever do the dishes for your wife? I should say not
Mrs. Carter doesn't really mind washing her teflon-coated pans
New, vital and fashionable
Fond of children? Well, it's only natural
Yes, you can't get away from it
There are branches everywhere
And it's safe? Yes, sir

[Verse 1: Dan Bull, The Stupendium, Both]
Deep down, down between the trees
Nestled in the lеaves, gleams a TV screen
Near a small lad sitting in thе tall grass
It’s an odd transmission to be broadcast
Listen as we talk dark thoughts and soar past
The watershed line before your bedtime
You'll panic like a rabbit that is caught in headlights
Reckon we’re manic? Of course, you’re dead right
You better exercise more caution next time
Or you'll end up in tomorrow morning’s headlines
Obituary, nothing more than "born and then died"
And not a single family member or a friend cried
[Chorus: The Stupendium, Dan Bull, Both]
Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness once more
Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness, encore

[Spoken]
This remarkable offer, the first and only one of its kind
Delicious, nutritious breakfast cereals shot from guns
Yes, sir! You could buy eight additional teaspoons

[Verse 2: The Stupendium, Dan Bull]
Oh, look who's come for tea, are you sitting comfortably?
All of the children better sit still then
'Cause when little kiddies fidget then I kill them
Class is now in session, time you learned your lesson
Stare into the glare until your mind is effervescent
Bubbling the troubling, you'll find it less depressing
Open up your eyes, you'll be surprised what you might let in
The violent and the tragic, hiding in the static
This silent, enigmatic child had better pack it in
And leave the schedule to the grown-ups
Revel in the pestilence Auntie Beeb throws up

[Spoken]
As a result of long continuing results in commercial explosives
Pepsodent’s new, improved formula cleans teeth whiter than ever
Mhm, it certainly does
[Chorus: The Stupendium, Dan Bull, Both]
Tune into the madness
Pictures handpicked to be sickening, queasy
Tune into the madness
Transfixed and bewitched by the flickering TV

[Verse 3: Dan Bull, The Stupendium, Both]
Up, hold up, don’t touch that dial
Look at our isle of muck and bile
With a saviour clad in a paper bag
That must be one ugly child
Gaze into the space between the pixels on the screen
There, you’ll see a place between the signal and the screams
Feel the oscillation of the crystal in your dreams
Just switch off your brain and let it sizzle in the beams
These scenes, some viewers may find disturbing
Violent and unnerving, frighteningly alluring
Slightly stomach-churning, why would you be turning over?
Oh, so many programs for discerning viewers
Who are just like you
Eyes locked to the box for the schlock like glue
Shambling in their droves, scrambling their lobes
Get mangled in the strobe 'til you’re cross-eyed too

[Spoken]
Here’s a message to millions of people
Who are continually pale and washed out, weak and run down
All I do is bring you pounds and pounds of baby food
Good, lean butcher’s steak, very satisfying cake
Impress this fact upon mother
Boys and girls have overactive oil glands
Don’t say it like that! You’ll make her sound ungainly
[Chorus: The Stupendium, Dan Bull, Both]
Tune into the madness
Tubes swimming with miasmic blackness
Tune into the madness
Sit glued to your viewing apparatus

[Verse 4: Dan Bull, The Stupendium, Both]
Izzy, wizzy, let’s get busy
Such a pity diddy kiddies threw a tizzy
Don’t be silly, what’s the trouble, little Timmy?
Itty-bitty nippers should be giddy for the TV
Strange lights are disguised in the bright glare
Daytime television’s hellish in the right mindset
Too much time staring'll make your eyes square
Any more, you’ll end up like that child there
Can’t toggle off the gogglebox so pop another bottle top
Top up your cup and sup the propaganda, prost, mazel tov
They say it’s challenging to break a daily habit
Pacified into paralysis, a state of telly addicts
Maybe one day, the cathode rays will be chromatic
Bringing colour to the pallor of the faces in the static
Taking off the mask, my behaviour is erratic
Claiming to be sane but I’m just asymptomatic
Wait, did you hear that? Someone's pacing in the attic
What in the blazes could be making such a racket?
Ooh, I say, you gave me a fright there
I think I’m having another little nightmare

[Chorus: The Stupendium, Dan Bull, Both]
Tune into the madness
Urchins channel-surfing and subservient to the sadness
Zoom in with the cameras
Squirming as the sermon’s stirred into your hippocampus

[Spoken]
Cream
Not a soap, not a liquid but a dainty cream
It covers everything easily and beautifully
And what an eyeful they’re going to get
Mhm! Mhm-hm

[Verse 5: Dan Bull, The Stupendium, Both]
Feast your eyes 'til you’re anaesthetised
Lead a peaceful life for the cheapest price
No need to seek advice or plea to Jesus Christ
In the deep of night, you’ll really see the light
No one observes just how ominous the world is when monotonous
Channelling the brightest minds
Until they turn witless and ponderous
Their alertness is interred in this infernalest sarcophagus
The absurd and the preposterous, burned in by the phosphorus
Uncertain what lurks under the surface of your consciousness?
Observe it and you’ll learn that it’s perturbing
Sick and monstrous, keep surfing through diversions
Uma Therman’s new detergent
Normal service will return after a word from our sponsors

[Spoken]
Ladies, what’s your problem?
Gracious! I’ve nothing for the Johnson’s yet
Keep calm, folks
Buy the gifts that will look more expensive than they are
Two-hundred different formulations of dynamite
So powerful that it’ll kill a rat
Press this secret button right here
And an authentic western pistol pops out and fires

[Chorus: The Stupendium, Dan Bull, Both]
Tune into the madness
A bountiful lineup of schooling and comedy
Huge wins at the Baftas
Bound to be prizes when you’re every nominee
Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness, once more
Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness, encore

[Spoken]
No guest is ever really happy without the right kind of tea
Well don’t keep staring at it, taste it
Getting high on life could be habit-forming
You just can’t grow up fast enough, can you?