[Intro: Dan Bull]
Dear David Cameron

[Verse 1: Dan Bull]
You want us to admit if porn's something we're interested in? (what)
I've never heard a more intrusive line of questioning (yeah)
There's a lot of chaps with no-one to put their erection in
You've put the onus on their boners to come and confess the thing (ha) Despite it's popularity the silence'll be deafening
Censorship is not the method to mop up the mess we're in (ha)
Next you'll be suggesting police kettling
Any people sending text messages with three Xs in
Will I still be free to see The Exorcist?
'Cause there's a crucifix in that and a tween having sex with it
If not, what's the difference between an adult actress
And a thespian in a sexually packed script? (tell me)
You plan to block pages with a blacklist
So if I say "rape" does it mean I can't rap this?
In terms of sexual deviance the Tories have had practice
Dave, I've seen the stains on your Brasenose mattress
And it's ironic you're proposing a porn ban 'cause
You're considered one of Britain's biggest wankers

[Bridge: Dan Bull & William Hague]
(Ah)
Human rights are universal. Cultural differences are not an excuse to water down human rights, nor can the exploitation of digital networks by criminals or terrorists be a justification for states to censor their citizens
[Chorus: Dan Bull]
But think of the children, think of the children
A free and open Internet's probably gonna kill them
Think of the children, think of the children
A free and open Internet's probably gonna kill them

[Verse 2: Dan Bull]
Mate, rape fantasies are a common obsession (yeah)
But actually being a rapist is not a logical progression (yeah)
To beat abuse, you should use a new weapon
Like battling the stigma for people when confessing
That they've been molested or beaten senseless
The way that they're treated by police is horrendous
Some of us understand, Louise Mensch does
The consensus is your dumb plan's defenceless (uh)
Tories are all about family responsibility (ha)
So your proposal seems silly to me (ha)
Serious criminals don't use Bing
They use P2P and darknet webrings (think)
China's blacklist accuracy couldn't be lower
It's like trying to trim your fro with a mower (ow)
When has censorship ever fixed a problem?
"Yeah, it's not like North Koreas got them" (no)
But if that's the kind of thing for which your clamouring
Do you mind if I refer to you as Kim Jong Cameron?
[Chorus: Dan Bull]
Think of the children, think of the children
A free and open Internet's probably gonna kill them (no)
Think of the children, think of the children
A free and open Internet's probably gonna kill them
(ugh ugh responsibility)

[Outro: Dan Bull]
If you can't say "fuck", you can't say
"Fuck David Cameron with a piece of slightly undercooked broccoli"