[Verse 1]
Bishop danced with a thumbscrew woman
Did a double-quick back flip and slid across the floor
The Catholic traffic flowed freely 'cross the river
And fiddlestick fiddled quick out the front door (Alright)
Oh, baby dumpling, mama's in the back tree
If the bow breaks mama might fall
Little sad and only, baby don't be lonely
Oh, Mama knows 'rithmatic, knows how to take a fall
Mama knows 'rithmatic, knows how to take a fall

[Chorus]
And the kids are crying, "Flapjacks, make 'em fat, early in the morning"
Little Jack, grab your hat, hear the breakfast call
Muskrat, bat a cat, kick him in the fireplace
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" on their horn
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" like they're born

[Verse 2]
Well, maverick daddy got a one-eyed bride
She glides like a monkey-mule kicking on the back slide
Over hill, over hill, daddy don't you spill now
Papa got a switch stick, he's pumping little Bill
Papa got a switch stick, he's pumping little Bill
And Billy, he's crying, "Tomahawk, tomahawk, daddy better duck now"
The Mohawks, the Mohawks, they're still out there in the woods
Monatuk, Ocanuk, runnin' through my dreams now
With fire on their fingertips and Indian screams
Fire on their fingertips and feathers made of moonbeams (Get funky)
[Accordion Solo]
Get up there
Danny Federici, ladies and gentlemen

[Verse 3]
Well, early in the morning the cannoneer cried
"I seen the sailor's warning in the western sky"
Well, mountain man, if you can, cut me down a fir tree
Branches full of candlesticks for baby and me
And my darling cried, she said, "Honey, the weathervane
Lately it's been pointing the way to heaven
Scatterbrains, scatterbrains, watch out where you fall
Champagne, champagne, a round for all the old choir boys
They're busting off the altar chasing Dinah through the hall
They're busting off the altar chasing Dinah through the hall

[Chorus]
And like kids they're crying, "Flapjacks, make 'em fat, early in the morning"
Little Jack, grab your hat, hear the breakfast call
Muskrat, bat a cat, kick him in the fireplace
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" on their horn
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" like they're born

[Outro]
Thank you
Thank you
Gonna bring out the band