We''ve been dating since high school we never once left this town
We use to go out on the weekends and we'd drink 'til we drowned
But now she's acting funny and I don't understand
I think that she's found her some other man

She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair
She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?
She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last
If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass

She showed me a picture all I could do was stare
At that freak in His sandals with His long pretty hair
They must think that I'm stupid or I don't have a clue
I'll bet He's a commie or ever worse yet a Jew

She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair
She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?
She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last
If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass

She's given up whiskey and taking up wine
While she prays for His troubles, she's forgot about mine
I'm a gonna get even, I can't handle the shame
Why last time we made love she even called out his name

She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair
She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?
She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last
If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass
It coulda been Carlos or even Billy or Ted
But if I ever find Jesus
He's gonna wish He was dead, Amen