[Verse 1]
Colin Zeal knows the value of mass appeal
He's a pedestrian walker, he's a civil talker
He's an affable man with a plausible plan
Keeps his eye on the news, keeps his future in hand
And then he

[Chorus]
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah-ha

[Verse 2]
While sitting in traffic, Colin thinks in automatic
He's an immaculate dresser, he's your common aggressor
Colin's the modern retard with a love of bombast
Keeps his eye on the news, doesn't dwell on the past
And then he

[Chorus]
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah-ha
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah-ha
And then he
[Instrumental break]

[Chorus]
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah-ha
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah-ha
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah-ha
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah-ha

[Outro]
Well, he's a modern retard, he's terminal lard
He's an affable man with a carotene tan
'Cause Colin Zeal's ill, Colin Zeal's ill, Colin Zeal's ill
He's Colin Zeal and he knows