[Intro]
The skill monkey is a common designation for classes whose primary focus is their proficiency at using skills

[Verse 1]
I miss the feelin' alive days, the 3.5 days
When you could kill an enemy 5 ways
And customization was like a wide open highway
Lately I'm feeling like I'm stuck in the driveway
Cause when I play it's like a war of attrition
I'm sorry for bitchin', guess I'm just a fan of tradition
I understand that Wizards of the Coast is in the position, with the priority of new player acquisition for Fifth Edition
I'm just sayin' I'm a little pissed
That you nitwits put the skills on your kill list
Y'all got no chill, still ill, but I'm skill-less
Somebody should publish a supplement to fulfill this
Listen, I've been tiltin' at windmills since '05
And back then, proficiency was a point of pride
Like having an Orc tank bank ranks in hide
A centaur, with impractical talent to ride

[Hook]
I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check
As if disarming a trap only required Dex
Honestly, I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists
I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check
As if disarming a trap only required Dex
Honestly, I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists

[Verse 2]
I know I could be a warlord, and carry a broadsword, and tally victory on a scoreboard
Use a crossbow to turn foes into dartboards
Or blast magic until they're dead on the floorboards
I'm on board, but I have a condition
I need an addition, like something to give me some volition
By admission, my disposition is one of opposition
But what should be done about characters with political ambition?
I'm just tryna make it make sense
Maybe the mechanics operate under a pretense
That you need a weapon to dominate on the offense
Maybe I'm just spewin' enigmatic nonsense
Maybe I'm obnoxious, but I think we all could admit
Appraise is not the same as decipher script
And use rope isn't the same as doing a flip
It's your game, do what you want, I'm just throwing a fit about it

[Hook]
I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check
As if disarming a trap only required Dex
Honestly I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists
I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check
As if disarming a trap only required Dex
Honestly I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists
[Verse 2]
I know it's just a formality, it's a technicality
But the game's not set in reality
See, you couldn't use your personality to win a battle
Any more than musicality could strap you in the saddle of a horse
But when you play DnD, you can see just how creative your cranium can be
And I'm not sayin' that you should try to be OP
I'm just sayin' that you gotta respect the OGs
I'm not talkin' 'bout me
I'm takin' about Gary, Don Kaye, David A., Rob K., and Terry
Makin' war games so glorious and legendary
These warriors who came before us are more than ordinary
They're visionaries, and I would venture a guess
That they wouldn't be too impressed with the watered-down process
It's a mess, I confess, this is an attack
When in fact all I really want is all the rad skills back

[Hook]
I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check
As if disarming a trap only required Dex
Honestly I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists

[Outro]
The Skill Monkey provides minimal roles in combat, but has an abundance of talents and abilities, which keep them useful to the party