[Verse 1]
Went to a party
I danced all night
I drank sixteen beers
And I started up a fight
But now I'm jaded
You're out of luck
I'm rolling down the stairs
Too drunk to fuck

[Chorus]
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
I'm too drunk, too drunk
Too drunk to fuck

[Verse 2]
I like your stories
I love your gun
Shooting out truck tires
Sounds like loads and loads of fun
But in my room
Wish you were dead
You bawl like the baby
In Eraserhead
[Chorus]
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
It's all I need right now
Too drunk to fuck

[Chorus]
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk, to fuck
I'm sick, soft, gooey, and cold
Too drunk to fuck

[Verse 3]
I'm about to drop
My head's a mess
The only salvation is
I'll never see you again
You give me head
It makes it worse
Take out your fuckin' retainer
Put it in your purse

[Chorus]
I'm too drunk to fuck
You're too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
It's all I need right now, oh, baby
I'm melting like an ice cream bar, oh, baby
And now I got diarrhea
Too drunk to fuck
[Outro]
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Ooh, gah!