[Hook]
Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire, well the fire is right there laughing at you
You've got no place to go
Let it rain, let it pour, let it snow
It doesn't show signs of slowing
And that's just your luck, but that's just how you are
Your heart is turned way down low
Let it rain, let it pour, let it snow

[Verse I]
It's October 25th and I can see the first signs
There's an elf riding a reindeer in the store near the blinds
With a wreath around his neck and a froth on his lips
He yells at me and pumps his sweaty little fist
And declares war, a war that we know all too well
But then he smiles and rings his dirty little bell
And it's in the papers it's on the shelves it's in your face
Santa and his holiday have come to this place
For sure, oh be sure that you know it
I'm worse for the wear and I hope it's not showing
Fall is over now time goes by so fast
It's all over now I knew it couldn't last
There's a reason and I'm sure someone will remind me
But I have shopping to do so get behind me and push
[Verse II]
It's November 25th and oh my we're moving now
Just had a second of thanks, but it's time to run the plow
I've got an idea turkey let me tie your feet with wires
And America size you and then throw you on the fire
And lick our lips and let our eyes roll like marbles
And trash another tradition fill our stomachs till we warble
It's my fault too, I get too busy putting things off
And waste away my thoughts with ones that I've bought
And we've paid a heavy price gladly let's top it with oil
And grease down the wheels so our brakes won't spoil
The fun at the end of a gun
Doing what we're told to do can be so much fun
It's time to celebrate oh ye of little faith
So fill your carts with garbage to decorate your cage
So happy shopping holiday and please help the economy
And say a prayer for your bank account and God bless the bombing

[Hook]

[Verse III]
It's December 25th, so go tell it on the mountain
That's it's finally here and your tree looks like a fountain
Exploding with gifts and lights and returns
For the stores, we all pray it won't burn
Your home this year for hot cider and regret
And guilt trips hanging low near your heavy head
Put your shoes on it's time to run through the motions
And mix some anti depressants up in the potion
What have we done? Remembering the reason
Looking out for number one is the theme of the season
You've made your list and you've checked it a hundred times
But you forgot to mention who came for you to be tried
And killed and buried only to rise again that day
Maybe that's when you'll have a happy holidays
God bless America? How about America Bless God
And love others like ourselves