[Verse 1]
Well, I been spendin' all my money on weed n' pills
Tryin' to write a song that'll pay the bills
But it ain't came yet, so guess I'll have to rob a bank
I guess it could be worse, it ain't that bad
At least I ain't sittin' in ol' Baghdad
In the middle of a hot damn desert, sittin' in a tank
Well, every time the wife talks, a baby gets mentioned
I'm so broke I can't pay attention
Lord, how it tears me up to see her cry
Oh, I been spendin' all my nights on the internet
Looking for a clue, but ain't found one yet
Just a bunch of Mopars, guitars, & other stuff I can't buy

[Chorus]
Well now, Lord, if you can hear me
Won't you throw a damn dog a bone?
'Cause if the Devil shows up with a better deal
This old soul's a-goin' down
Oh, I sing 'em real pretty, sing 'em real sad
And all the people in the crowd say "He ain't half-bad"
Well, they call me King Turd up here on Shit Mountain
If you want it, you can have the crown

[Verse 2]
Well, I been sittin' on my ass like a bump on a log
Watchin' Andy and ol' Boss Hog
I guess I ought to get up and go out and find a job
Instead of sittin' on the couch, trying to find the next line
I'm sure there's gotta be a better use of my time
Like figurin' out which one of these banks I'm a-gonna go rob
Well, the name of the game is hurry up and wait
But that ain't putting no food on my plate
Or gas in my car, and I drive a Bronco
So, Lord, if I could just get me a record deal
I might not have to worry about my next meal
But I'll still be trying to figure out what the hell rhymes with Bronco
[Chorus]
Well now, Lord, if you can hear me
Won't you throw a damn dog a bone?
'Cause if the Devil shows up with a better deal
This old soul's a-goin' down
Oh, I sing 'em real pretty, sing 'em real sad
And all the people in the crowd say "He ain't half-bad"
Well, they call me King Turd up here on Shit Mountain
If you want it, you can have the crown
Well, they call me King Turd up here on Shit Mountain
If you want it, you can have the crown