[Verse 1: Bart Baker as Nasri Atweh]
I have a girl she is my girlfriend, but she don’t know it
Save her a place here in my bed, by where her shrine is
Check her accounts to see where she’s been
Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook
Her car’s at her house, so she must be in


[Pre-Chorus: Nasri Atweh & Joseph Falasca as the Father]
I’m your daughter’s stalker can I make her my wife?
Say yes, say yes
Go to hell, asshole
Crappy fake reggae one hit wonders aren’t my daughter’s type
Get the hell away from my house, psycho!


[Chorus 1: Nasri Atweh & Brittany Furlan as the Girlfriend]
OMG, her dad’s so rude
Creepy stalkers have rights too
There’s nothing that he can do
His daughter is gonna marry me
She’ll be my girl
It is our destiny
I’ll be her world
And she’ll always obey me
Did that weird guy just say that he’s stalking me?
He should really use shampoo

[Verse 2: Nasri Atweh]
The Jamaican accent in my voice is totally fake
But my love’s real and she has no choice
She will be my life mate
Her family’s so hungry
Waiting for the guy from Domino's
I will steal his clothing
This time I’ll surely get through the door


[Pre-Chorus: Nasri Atweh, The Father, & The Girlfriend]
Did you order a large pepperoni deep dish?
I did yes, thanks, I paid on the phone
Let me put it on the table for you
No, just give me it
Hey, wait aren’t you
That creep from before!


[Chorus 2: The Father, Nasri Atweh, Shea Parker as the Boyfriend, Ben Loescher as the Domino's Delivery Guy]
Don’t come back or you’ll be screwed
I’m calling the cops on you
Just one sec before you do
Can I at least smell your panties, babe?
Come near my girl and you’ll get an ass kicking!
You can’t fight fate, we’re meant to be family
If you come back, I will fill you full of lead!
How the hell did I get n***?

[Bridge: Nasri Atweh, Alex Farnham as Ben Spivak, & Omar Gharaibeh as Bob Marley]
I call on the spirits to help make her my wife
Hey, check it out, it’s Bob Marley’s ghost
Promise no more lame fake reggae songs the rest of your life and I’ll grant your wish
I swear on my soul


[Chorus 3: Bob Marley, The Father, James Demuth as the Priest, The Girlfriend]
Time to change this old man’s 'tude
What the hell!?
With my magic Marley doob
My daughter is all yours, dude
Does anyone have a piece of cake?
I now pronounce you stalker and stalkee
You may now kiss your bridal abductee
Hold up, you freak, there’s one thing before you kiss me
I am actually a dude


[Outro Skit: Sam Macaroni as David Copperfield, Nasri Atweh, & Bob Marley]
David Copperfield!?
That’s right!
And now for my greatest magic trick of all time
I’ll make an extremely annoying one hit wonder band disappear
Now that’s what I call magic, man
Ja