[Verse 1: Jessica Lesaca as Ariana Grande]
I'm a diva, don't care who knows
My reputation it completely blows
I'm super bitchy that's what they say
My former co-stars totally hate me

[Pre-Chorus: Alexa Wisener as Victoria Justice & Lisa Schwarts as Jennette McCurdy, Ariana Grande]
You're right we hate you, you stuck-up princess!
Who let Jennette and Justice on my set?
Your attitude is why our shows got axed!
Now you are huge and we're unknown

[Chorus 1: Ariana Grande & Cat]
I'm dressed up like a kitty and rolling around in sand like it's a giant litter box (Giant litter box)
I can sing and I'm pretty, so it don't matter if my video concepts suck whale cock (Concepts suck whale cock)
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meeoow?
Get lost, you dumb pussy!
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meeoow!
What did you s-

[Verse 2: Ariana Grande & Bart Baker as The Weeknd]
Who the hell are you?
I'm the Weeknd and I feel so lucky you let me be in this video
I don't know who you are, I thought we were supposed to get Bruno Mars!

[Pre-Chorus: Ariana Grande & The Weeknd]
What's with your weird hairdo? It looks so dumb
Excuse me?
Why did we hire this wannabe bum?
For real?
What is this in your hair, a dead pigeon?
You don't have to be so damn mean!
[Chorus: Ariana Grande & The Weeknd]
If photographers shoot me from anywhere but my left side I will break their damn cameras
Wow, you are stuck up!
And if you're a fan of me, I hope you fucking die, at least that's what the rumor was
That's really messed up!

[Bridge: Victoria Justice, Jennette McCurdy]
Did you hear what she said about taking photos?
You can only shoot her left side
Do you think it's because of a zit on her nose?
Let's try to shoot her from the right

[Chorus: Ariana Grande, Jennette McCurdy, Victoria Justice, Victoria Justice & Jennette McCurdy]
What the hell are you doing?
Say cheese and smile, hold her face so I can Instagram it
I got it!
If you post that I'm suing!
Back off or I swear I will hit the share button, goddamn it!
I've got to see this!
No, no, no, no!
What is that on your face?
No, no, no, no!
That pic must be erased!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait 'til the world sees this
No, no, no, no!
Time for me to post it!
[Outro Skit: Bart Baker, Roland Luitgaarden as Harvey Levin, Bart Baker & TMZ Staff]
Ok, so, I guess Jennette McCurdy and Victoria Justice snuck onto the set of Ariana Grande's new music video and snapped a picture of the right side of her face!
I thought she didn't let people photograph her from the right side?
She doesn't, and I think we found out why
Whoa!
What!?
What the hell is that!?
It looks just like Kim Kardashian's ass!
That's the crazy part!
It IS Kim Kardashian's ass!
If you put Kim's infamous paper magazine photo up next to this one, it's a perfect match!
Wait, does the mean that Kanye's been banging the right side of Ariana Grande's face?
Or Big Sean has been banging Kim K's ass!?
Whoa!
Dude, whoa!
Woah!
Mind blown!
One things for sure though
I haven't seen a black hole that big since "Interstellar"!