[Verse 1: Emily Valentine as Adele & Alex Cottrell as Adele's Ex-Boyfriend]
Hello, help me
I have no service, I shouldn't have switched to AT&T
I cannot even tweet
My entire world is crashing down, I feel like I'm dying
Hello, can you hear me?
Adele, calm down use the landline! You are such a drama queen
No, I canceled that last week
I'm havin' a panic attack! Just try outside, stop crying

[Pre-Chorus: Adele]
This entire song is one giant first-world problem rant

[Chorus: Adele]
Hello, oh God, no, why!
I still have zero bars outside
I'm so screwed, my life is crumbling before my eyes
Wait, I know, I'll go back in and connect with Wi-Fi
Oh no, I'm locked outside!
I can't fucking believe this, why?
Please come to the door and let me back in the home
It's fifty degrees and all I have is this massive coat
I'm so cold

[Verse 2: Adele]
Thank God! A payphone!
In the middle of the woods, makes perfect sense, normal totally
Come on, pick it up
I can't believe I'm locked out of the house and you're not answering
[Pre-Chorus: Adele]
It's been an hour since my last tweet, my fans must think I'm dead

[Chorus: Adele, Jennifer Levinson as Cat Lady & Presley Roy as Couch Lady]
Help me, I cannot get online!
If I do not say hello, I
Will lose my following, they will forget about me
Wait, hold up! I have a bar, now I can tweet
Hello, I'm still alive!
I have bad service, locked outside
She can't get in her house and her service is bad
Oh God, poor Adele, her life is in shambles, it's so sad
It's the worst day of my life
And now my fucking phone just died!
Everything's gone wrong, my world's falling apart
I might as well just give up and shove this knife in my heart
Goodbye, world