[Verse 1: Alex Farnham as Selena Gomez]
Most of my songs are about
Being obsessed with sex and hot dudes
And since I look like I'm twelve
It's creepy when I show off my boobs
I broke into this guy's house
Cos I'm totally obsessed with him
Can't keep my hands to myself
Got to touch everything owned by him

[Pre-Chorus: Alex Farnham as Selena Gomez]
Oh-oh
I touch his shirts and his dockers
Because I'm a crazy stalker
And his socks, his shoes, and all his ties
I know if I touch everything
He'll have no choice but to love me
Like his brush, his floss, and his nail file

[Chorus: Alex Farnham as Selena Gomez, Jessica Lesaca as Maid]
Can't keep my hands to myself
Hey, you, what the hell?
Who are you, what is your deal?
I like how that feels
Oh
[Verse 2: Alex Farnham as Selena Gomez, Ben Loescher as Chef]
I have to touch all his food
And this oven used for cooking it
That doesn't feel very good
Wow, Selena, you are dumb as shit

[Pre-Chorus: Bart Baker as Justin Bieber, Alex Farnham as Selena Gomez]
Selena
What are you doing in my house?
I thought I told you to stay out
Also, why are you fondling my ice?
Justin, my dear, I still love you
So I decided to stalk you
And touching your things, it feels so nice

[Chorus: Bart Baker as Justin Bieber, Alex Farnham as Selena Gomez]
Well, keep your hands to yourself
No, stop, what the hell?
What's going on?
I can't tell
Can't control myself

[Outro: Bart Baker as Justin Bieber, Alex Farnham as Selena Gomez]
Your hands are under some spell
Like they have minds of themselves
It must be demons from hell
Evil time to be expelled
Can't keep my hands to myself