[Verse 1: Bart Baker as The Weeknd]
I'm The Weeknd, I'm the greatest ever
Rich as hell, now got so much cheddar
I'm a huge pop star dude however
I'm never happy smile never
And so I made a catchy song that
Makes me seem like an egocentric ass
All I do in this verse is brag about all the cars and girls I have

[Pre-Chorus 1: The Weeknd]
I hate the person that I used to be
So I cut my hair and now I've totally
Reinvented myself with a haircut
Which is a very immature teen mentally
It's clear that I've totally lost my mind
All of these platinum records have made me blind
Might as well destroy everything of mine
But, before that, I'ma snort some lines

[Chorus 1: The Weeknd]
(Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha)
They would all laugh
(Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha)
At my stupid fucking hairdo
(Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha)
Kiss my damn ass
(Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha)
Now I'm richer than all of you
[Verse 2: The Weeknd]
Now that my hair's gone, the next thing I must do is get rid of all my other old shit too
Switch my style up even more just to prove
I'll still be the best, no matter what I lose
For example, if I chop off this leg
I will probably get even more respect
Here, I'll just hack it off with this Neon cross
Even my blood is rich, it tastes like pasta sauce

[Pre-Chorus 2: The Weeknd]
Okay, that hurts, but what a relief
To prove that there's another part of the old me
I don't need as long as I have money
Guess I might as well chop off the other one also
Even without legs, I am still the best
I'll post this on Instagram, hashtag blessed
Who needs limbs? I should just lose the rest
Daft Punk, what's up? Guys, are you impressed?

[Chorus 2: Khaliel Abdelrahim and Maxwell Thomas as Daft Punk & The Weeknd]
Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
What have you done?
Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
You're a motherfucking stump boy
Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
You are so dumb
Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
Chop my motherfucking head off
[Outro Skit: The Weeknd, Maxwell Thomas as Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, Khaliel Abdelrahim as Thomas Bangalter & Daft Punk]
DO IT!!
But if we cut off your head, it will destroy your vocal cords
BULLSHIT!! I DON'T NEED ANY PART OF MY OLD SELF TO BE A MOTHERFUCKING STARBOY!
CUT IT OFF, BITCH!!
I'm a motherfucking Starb-!
See? We tried to tell you
Now you can't sing
People did not care about your looks, cars, or money
They cared about your voice
Your career is terminated
Dumbass!
No! No!!
I'm a motherfucking-!