[Intro: Jessica Lesaca as Ariana Grande]
Hey

[Verse 1: Ariana Grande]
I put on a real short skirt to show off my long legs
I'm bent over showing my ass posing in different shapes
Attention must always be on me
I'm where the spotlight should always be
And that's why I've got seven pounds of makeup on my face

[Pre-Chorus 1: Ariana Grande]
My voice is higher than a whistle for dogs
That's why you can't tell what I'm saying at all
It sounds like gibberish, writing words was a waste
But it doesn't matter, 'cause I look great (Woo!)

[Chorus 1: Tony Andre Mack as Bill Cosby, Ariana Grande, Zombie]
You can't see me
I'm the guy who's screaming
Who is that yelling?
It's distracting from me! (Ew!)
Everybody (Stop it)
Thinks this song is saying (Shut him up, please)
"Fuck a zombie" (That's sick)
Fuck, fuck, fuck a zombie
I am ready
[Verse 2: Ariana Grande]
Nowadays, the media is so obsessed with trans
The best way to get coverage is to have been a man
I'm getting sick of this Caitlyn shit taking away my newsworthiness
Wait, that gives me a good idea
An awesome, brilliant plan

[Pre-Chorus 2: Ariana Grande]
I'll lose the skirt and pull my hair to the back
Then stuff my crotch and put on a fake mustache
I'll leak a photo online to TMZ
And all attention will be back on me (Woo!)

[Chorus 2: Bill Cosby, Ariana Grande, Alex Farnham as Donald Trump]
Stop that licking
Stop that doughnut licking
Ew, who could eat these?
They are so fattening! (Ew!)
Americans (What's this?)
Are gross and disgusting, ew!
How dare, Grande!?
She can't say that bullshit about this great country
That girl will pay

[Pre-Chorus 3: Donald Trump, Ariana Grande]
I'm here to deport that Mexican girl now
For things she said, putting Americans down
You can't deport me, and I'm not Mexican
Get off of me, you stupid, racist pig! (Ew!)
[Chorus 3: Bill Cosby, Donald Trump]
I'm Bill Cosby
That awful voice was me, woo
I've got something
That you should be drinking, woo
Get lost, Cosby, you're sick
Now we must be leaving, woo
Not so fast, Trump
This chick is coming home with me
I don't think so, whoa

[Outro Skit: Bart Baker as Caitlyn Jenner]
Whoops, I did it again
I'm sorry
I'm coming for you, Khloe