[Intro: Bart Baker as The Weeknd]
Yeah

[Verse 1: The Weeknd]
Used to be the hardcore type
Pounding randoms every night
But I'm switching up my style
For Selena Gomez
Heard about how your last guy
Couldn't do ya' how ya' like
I'ma make our romance last
By staying between your legs

[Pre-Chorus: The Weeknd]
You've been scared of love 'cause your ex was a douche
Didn't feel ya' coming like The Weeknd do
Feel it with my tongue, take a note, Justin Biebs
That's why this song's about you orgasming

[Chorus: The Weeknd]
Selena's coming
Selena's coming, Biebs
Not for you, Justin
Now she's coming for me
Selena's coming
Selena's coming, Biebs
From my hip-thrusting
She's coming endlessly
[Verse 2: Bart Baker as Justin Bieber & The Weeknd]
I have got to get her back
What's he have that I don't have?
Plus his music is straight whack
And why is he on Mars?
I challenge you to a match
Who invited the douchebag?
First man to make her climax
Wins the Latina's heart

[Pre-Chorus: The Weeknd, Justin Bieber, & Jenna Jimenez as Selena Gomez]
Fine, I'll kick your butt, but, first, here are the rules
There will be no touch, just sensual dance moves
Twerks, and body thrusts
Okay, sounds good to me (Gah!)
Winner will be judged by my orgasming
Go!

[Chorus: Justin Bieber, The Weeknd, Selena Gomez, & Bart Baker as Daft Punk]
I'll have her coming
Faster than you, ass face
No, you won't, Justin
This one's called the MJ
Oh, please, that's nothing
I call this the Ass Quake
I feel it coming
Keep dancing, yes, that's great
Selena's coming (Yes, yes, yeah!)
Selena's coming, yay (Oh, oh, oh!)
Selena's coming (Yes, yes, yes!)
Selena's coming, yay (Yes, oh God, yes!)
Oh! Oh God, oh! Yes, yes, yes, oh yes! (Gah, gah!) (Oh!)
[Outro Skit: Selena Gomez, The Weeknd, & Justin Bieber]
No, no wait, no! Stop the music!
This isn't working
Justin, The Weeknd
I'm a faker (Huh?)
I've been faking this entire time
Neither one of you actually do it for me (Uh!)
So, yeah, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna go
What the hell, man!?
This is all your fault!
Yo, screw you, man!
I can't believe it
She was faking it the whole time?
Yeah
Neither can I
You know what, man?
I was just jealous of you
I actually do like your music
I, I like your music too
Really?
Yeah