[Chorus: Bart Baker as Post Malone]
I look like a homeless, drunk hillbilly
But, somehow, I am a rap star
I've got horribly bad gas
And my BO could kill you, it is so harsh
Messing with me? Pull you up to my teeth
Open up, be prepared to barf
I could destroy your entire block
By opening up both of my arms

[Verse 1: Post Malone]
Take a crap, don't wipe my ass
I'm starting saying there's no way I'll use Scott
This song stink, just like my toes
Ask me "take a shower", I'm like "hell naw"
All the dentists say that I'll lose my chops fo' sho'
If I don't cop floss
I live in a dumpster covered in flies
Found a dead rat in my mop top
I'm the most unlikely dude to ever make it in rap
A young, grody, nice, Jewish boy obsessed with Minecraft
Look like Jesus, but fat
I make racist, white people feel comfortable with trap rap
Hundred bitches in my trailer say that I need a bath
They all brought me some Axe
[Verse 2: Obi Nwankwo as 21 Savage]
Clothespin on my nose
Because Post Malone smelling like a stank fart
It ain't hard to do what 21 Savage do
Mumble, and get a tat cross
Then steal Future's flow, always puff on dro
And make raps about your garage
Savage got a 12-car garage
See, that's all that it takes to be a rap star
Post, you know you stanking, gotta fix that
You gotta wash your feet, man, take a damn bath
My eyes are watering from your ass crack
You look just like a Walmart bargain bin Riff Raff
Lemme just hit you, please
With a spray of Febreeze
Then let me brush your teeth
You gon' get gum disease
Gotta fix those armpits
All you need is Speed Stick
Oh, my god, I can't breathe
21 Savage dying

[Outro: Byan Liberty as Santa Claus & Post Malone]
Halt! Post, since it 'tis the season of giving
Santa gon' give what the world wants. Ho, ho, ho!
I'll eliminate your stench
With my candy cane crotch and bod' spray by S. Clause
Now time to clean your mouth, gums, tongue, and teeth
Open wide, here comes the mouthwash
Last, I must make you look unhomeless
By cutting your sleazy hair and beard off
You cut out my voice box!
[Skit: Santa Claus]
Whoops!
Look like Santa had a little too much Eggnog
Oh well
Hey... you girls wanna bang?
It's not like you have any choice, I'm famous
Ho, ho, that's what I thought
Ho, ho, ho! Now let me show you my Christmas tree