[Verse 1: Bart Baker as The Weeknd]
Well, you know it's really challenging for me to make much fun
Of a catchy song with a good beat that's so very well sung
But I'm sure I'll find some things to ridicule before it's done
This I know, yeah. This I know

[Pre-Chorus 1: The Weeknd]
Like why is an "E" missing in my name?
And why is this camera so close?
And now that we're almost to the chorus, there's something that everyone wants to know oh oh oh!

[Chorus 1: The Weeknd]
Why the hell can I not feel my face? Is it cocaine? Too much cocaine?
Or did I go to the dentist today to numb the pain with Novocaine?

[Verse 2: The Weeknd, Jack Johnson & Jack Gilinsky]
Well, I don't know what the chorus means and frankly, I don't care
Cuz I'm more concerned with what the hell is up with my weird hair
It looks like some broccoli and a palm tree had an affair
Time to prune... your hair dude

[Pre-Chorus 2: The Weeknd, Audience Member]
People say my singing sounds just like Michael Jackson crossed with Bruno
But why can't you dance as good as those guys?
And why can't I feel my face? I don't know oh oh oh!
[Chorus 2: The Weeknd, Alex Farnham as Old Man, Audience member #1, Jack Johnson & Jack Gilinsky, *Audience Member #2*, **Ben Loescher as Fireman**]
Maybe it's cos sniffing tons of glue
Causes numbness, facial numbness oh
Tumors in your brain can cause it too
I should visit... a neurologist
I'm gonna thro this lighter at you!
Help, I'm burning! My skin's burning!
That dude who can't spell has got hot moves! (Yeah)
I'm getting scorched!
It's Human Torch! Dope!
I can't feel my face now it is true
*He sure can dance*
Send a fireman!
**Did someone call me?**
Yes, help me, dude! Turn on that hose!
**What a great show! Yeah!**
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
OOOOHHH
OOOOHHH

[Outro: The Weeknd]
Well, at least the chorus makes sense now