[Intro: Sofia Chicorelli Serna, Ruby Lightfoot, Bianca Figueroa & Colleen Allison as Intro Girls & Samantha Gangel as Intro/Ending Girl]
Boooh!
Madonna should quit
Boooh!
This song's pure shit
It's child abuse for me to hear it

[Verse 1: Bart Baker as Madonna & Aron Reuben Korney as Shirtless Hallway Dude]
The name of this song is so pitiful and classless
I thought it would make me seem hip to say the word bitch
Why are you acting like a teen when you're fifty-six?
Get off of me your breath smells like cigarettes and fish!

[Refrain: Bart Baker as Madonna & Angry Cop]
I like to kiss boys and party
You act like a teen wannabe!
You are not young!
This is getting embarrassing!

[Chorus: Bart Baker as Madonna]
I act stupid I act young
This grill makes me look so dumb
I should grow up and move on
But I don't wanna
I asked all my famous buds to be in this like "Bad Blood"
Nobody showed up bud duds like Rita Ora
[Post-Chorus: Bart Baker as Madonna, Gsnaps as Rita Ora & Matthias Saunders as Chris Rock]
I'm Rita Ora
No, you're supposed to say my name!
Nah, I ain't gonna

[Verse 2: Bart Baker as Madonna & Roland Luitgaarden as Diplo]
I want to stay hip so I did this song with Diplo
I spent ten minutes on it that's why it's so wack yo
The chorus breakdown I created with my butt hole
Ate a burrito and then I grabbed a microphone

[Refrain: Sock Puppeteers & Bart Baker as Madonna]
This is the video's best scene
Cos Madonna's not on the screen
Just sock puppets
Oh no, she's coming back again!
I'm back!

[Verse 3: Tiffany Tynes as Nicki Minaj & Bart Baker as Madonna]
I wouldn't have shown up to be in this if you paid me
Ne–Neither would anyone else, not Beyonce, Kanye or Katy
They-they all filmed their cameos far away in different cities
I was trying to copy 'Bad Blood'
But you failed so damn bad it's silly
No one wants to appear in this vid with you
It's a flop on YouTube, despite lots of hype, not many views
It's cos the music sounds just like a mosquito farting on mic plus the idiotic lyrics, I really can't stand to hear it!
[Chorus: Samantha Gangel as Intro/Ending Girl & Bart Baker as Madonna]
Everyone listen to me things here are not what they seem
She’s not who she claims to be
You are a liar!
I am trapped in her body that’s why she is acting fourteen
I am her and she is me
I am Madonna!

[Outro: Samantha Gangel as Intro/Ending Girl, Roland Luitgaarden as Diplo & Bart Baker as Madonna]
What the hell is that horrible sound!?
Oh, sorry. I thought recording myself power drilling a wall would make this beat, even more, tackier
OMG! I love it!
No, get lost, Diplo
My bad
As I was saying, she pulled a Freaky Friday on me
We switched brains and now all my credibility is ruined
All because of this childish song and video
You are in big trouble, young lady!!!!
No!
Don't you run from me, hey! Come back here, young lady!
But that tooth gap, tho!