[Chorus: Bart Baker as Adam Levine]
I've been a pop star for a long time
People's sexiest man alive
Now it's time for me to be seen as a massive creep
That is why in this video
I look like a sick pedo
And why I'm stalking a lady like she is fresh meat
My beard's gross

[Verse 1: Bart Baker as Adam Levine]
This video's all about me
Maroon 5 is nowhere to be seen
I'm showing off my abs and all of my tattoos
I've done commercials bout acne
I've got a show on NBC
It is time that I show you what else I can do

[Pre-Chorus: Bart Baker as Adam Levine]
I can stand in rain in a hoodie
I can develop photography
I can hump pretend hunks of meat
I can act totally crazy
I can take pictures on my smartphone
I can smear blood on my hot muscles
This is just like 'American Psycho' (oh!)
[Chorus: Bart Baker as Adam Levine]
How do I make my voice so high?
Breaks the windows every time
I use helium
I inhale it from these balloons
When I sing it sounds like the cry
Of a dog about to die
That's why animals
Always show up to my shows
GO AWAY!

[Verse 2: Bart Baker as Adam Levine, Anthony Rutowicz as James Valentine, Sam Macaroni as Matt Flynn]
This is the part I act real nuts
And cover myself in raw meat guts
Guess he forgot we're in the band too
DICK!
I look so good it's all about me
I am the one fans wanna see
I'm damn sick of Adam's attitude

[Pre-Chorus: Josiah Black as Jesse Carmichael, JorDance as PJ Morton, Sam Macaroni as Matt Flynn, L.E. Doug Staiman as Mickey Madden, *Bart Baker as Adam Levine*]
This is Maroon 5 not Maroon 1
Even though now there are 6 of us
No one even knows who we are
Adam you're always the damn star
Nobody wants to watch this weird shit
*Of course they do especially this*
Check it out now he's acting like a wolf
*Ooooowhoooooo!*
[Spoken Interlude: Gsnaps as Behati Prinsloo]
Seriously Adam?!
You didn't tell me you were gonna pour blood all over me!
'Maroon 5'? More like 'Moron 5'!
(slap) UH!

[Chorus: All Maroon 5 bandmates, Bart Baker as Adam Levine, Sam Macaroni as Matt Flynn]
You're ruining our reputation!
This video's disgusting!
No, it's artistic
It's just sick!
We're tired of this shit!
What the hell are you doing guys?
Don't worry it's a surprise!
That's totally fine as long as I get more screen time
Oh you will!

[Post Chorus: Bart Baker as Adam Levine, All Maroon 5 band mates]
I don't know why why why why
You tied me up I'm scared I'm
Too pretty to die die die
No! No! No!
We won't kill you but you might
Want to commit suicide
After what we have in mind
No! No! No!
And now it's time that we give
You a taste of your own medicine
By making your ass listen
To your own voice
[Outro: Bart Baker as Adam Levine]
I've been a pop star for a long time
People's sexiest man alive
Now it's time for me to be seen as a massive creep
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!