[Harry] First you take our worst song yet
Then you dress Zayn up as a chick
You two can play gross execs
[Louis] I think I should look more Jewish

[Zayn] This video’s starting to suck dick
But how can we make it total shit?

[One D] We are trying to make the worst vid ever
That is why Harry is dressed up like a nerd
[Harry] What about Liam though? He needs a character?
[Liam] How about a homo choreographer?
And I can go oh oh oh!
And dance like a stereo!
Typical gay

[Zayn] Now let’s break stuff!

[Liam] Nothing in this video has to do with what we’re singing
[Harry] Because it’s a cheap promo [Zayn] it’s an advertisement
[Harry] For our horrible new movie

[Niall] Come on guys we need to make this worse
[Liam] OK but let me kiss Niall first

[One D] Now let’s all prance down a hallway together
Trash this place for no reason whatsoever
[Louis] I’ll pee on this girl’s desk
[Harry] I’ll throw her computer
[Black Guy] What the hell is wrong with you crazy crackers?

[Niall] Now I’m in a shopping cart
Did you know I play guitar?
[Girl] Nobody cares
[Zayn] Flip the table!

[Louis] This video is officially shitty now

[Zayn] But the one thing that we are still missing is a dance

[Crowd] NO! NO! NO!

[One D] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

[Man] Please don’t dance!

[Crowd] NO! NO! NO!

[Harry] Two! One, two, three!

[One D] Now we all are doing the worst dance ever
[Harry] It’s so bad it’s giving that man a seizure
[Niall] Holy crap guys look at that
What are those strange creatures?
[Aliens] We are aliens who made the planet Earth
The human race was a big experiment
And we’re sad to say this video’s proven it was a big mistake so we now must end it
Congrats on fucking your entire planet

[One D]
Hold on please no no no
We’ll stop the video
[Aliens] It is too late

[One D]
Oh shit we’re screwed!