[Zayn]
Oh I'm just gonna pretend that I'm riding this bike
To make all you teen girls wet with delight
Do you feel that downstairs, that downstairs?
That's us taking your dad's cash

[Harry]
Oh, I know I know I know that this looks kinda strange
But I just feel right when I'm rubbing on Zayn
Please don't tell Taylor Swift, she'd get pissed
Even though I dumped that bitch

[Liam, Simon & Harry]
Guys this is bullshit, why do I have to ride this?
It's your punishment
For what?
For shaving your head!
Now let's all go

[All]
To Prison
So we can dance with locked up men
And then we can pretend that we play instruments, by posing with them in stupid pics

[Harry]
Why don't we take off all our clothes?
And play a game of drop the soap!
[All]
Hell Yea

[Simon]
I will take the photographs!

[All]
Let's drop our pants!

[Harry]
And these 5 soap bars!

[Zayn]
Oh maybe maybe if we all pretend we can ski
It will make this video less crappy
This is ridiculous-diculous
Who is directing this shit?

[Niall]
Oh, I’m only Irish guy singing in this song
That’s why I dance like a gay leprechaun
Also I play guitar, play guitar
Did ya know I play guitar?

[Liam]
Oh Holy Crap
Taylor Swift is on our ass
She’s got a GUN
[Taylor]
Ahhhhh!

[Zayne]
She’s gonna kill Harry and then write a

[All except Harry]
Hit song
About How you did her so wrong
[Taylor]
I knew you were Trouble Harry!! Can’t you see you belong with me?
[Harry]
Hey Maybe I can kill the bitch
Using my secret nipple trick
[ALL]
Go for it
[Taylor]
Oh my god what the hell is that?!

[ALL]
He just made her crash

[Harry]
With my 4 nipples!!!!

[ALL]
Harry has 4 nipples
Harry has 4 nipples
They made Taylor drive off the road
[Louis]
To celebrate let’s all dress up as

[ALL]
Sea – ee – men
Because we all love sea – ee – men
[Niall]
We mean jizz
[Louis]
I’m gonna give Harry a french kiss
[Zayne]
I am gonna suck on my own dick
[ALL]
Taylor was just a cover up
[Harry]
To hide the fact I like man Butt
[Taylor]
What did you say
[ALL]
How the hell is she still alive
[Taylor]
I will never die!
Now let me kill you!