[Liam] Check out my hair, isn’t it cute
I use a really expensive shampoo
We’re throwing rocks and acting tough
Even though we’re all wearing tons of makeup

[Harry] Our manager says we have to act straight
Even though we’re all gay

[One D] We’re at the beach acting like we’re hunting for chicks
But secretly what we’re looking for is some dick

[Manager] Shut the hell up guys and get back in the closet
They can’t know oh oh
That you’re not hetero

[One D] Snorting bath salts and jumping in place
[Louis] Look at that hot guy I think we should eat his face

[Dude] Get away you psycho’s I have some mase

[One D] Damn that blow oh oh’s
Bet that you taste beautiful

[Dude] No no! Get lost you drugged up homos!

[Zayn] We’re playing sports so we seem straight
Our manager said that that’s a good way ah ah
[Manager] You need the gas for record sales
So you better keep kicking that ball all damn day

[Harry] Oh what’s the point
Everyone can see it
It’s obvious we like penis

[One D] We are five gay British boys skipping in the waves
All we want to do is watch Magic Mike all-day

Let’s all get in the water and masturbate

[Niall] I’m gonna think about you
[Louis] I’m gonna think about you too

[Manager] God damn it guys stop being gay
99% of your fans are straight ladies
If they find out your queers our sales will go away

[Harry] Oh fine (ine) (ine) we’ll save it for another time

[Manager] There’s a girl go and act like straight guys

[One D] Na na na na na na na na na na

[Manager] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
[Harry] Hey girl, I’m supposed to act like you get us off
But looking at you makes our pen!s go ever soft

Oh my gosh, I think I see David Hasselhoff

[David Hasselhoff] Hey there boys, it’s the Hoff
I’ve been on this beach since Baywatch and have been watching you all this time
I gotta say that you’re all looking mighty fine
Why don’t we head back to my place and have some wine

[Harry] Yeah, let's go that sounds so so magical

[Manager] No, no, no, do not go over to his home

[David Hasselhoff] Whoa whoa whoa these boys are mine they’re beautiful