[Verse 1: Bart Baker as Taylor Swift, Edward Vilderman as Joe Jonas, (Mickey Mouse), Alex Farnham as John Mayer]
Once upon a time, before I was insane
I dated this Disney guy, Joe Jonas was his name
But he broke up with me! You're just way too creepy
Plus I found someone else, his name's Mickey (Ho Ho)
So, I wrote a song about his stupid ass
Then, found this guy named John, but that was over fast
If you don't marry me, I will pull out your teeth!
You're totally crazy No! Yes! No! Yes! Maybe... ha ha ha ha ha

[Pre-Chorus: Taylor Swift, John Mayer]
He hit me with his guitar, and he said that "we are through"
Just you wait until I write a song about you!

[Chorus: Taylor Swift, Will Keenan as Jake Gyllenhaal]
Then, I met that Jake Gyllenhaal dick
And was obsessed right away
You've sent me 1,000 messages
Ha ha ha
And that's just from today
Oh, that's because I'm having your baby
What?! But, you don't even put out
Stop questioning me, Jakey
Or I'll punch you six feet underground

[Post-Chorus: Jake Gyllenhaal, Taylor Swift]
Whoa! Whoa!
Psycho, psycho, psycho!
Fine, go!
It's good material
[Verse 2: Taylor Swift, Jordan Taylor as Conor Kennedy, Bart Baker as Harry Styles]
Next came Kennedy, I think he was fifteen
I bought the house next door to watch you constantly
And also to make sure you never ever cheat!
OMG! We are done, you are scary!
Harry was my last, that One Direction freak
I taped him to my wall, so he could never leave
Someone call the police! You're insane we are through!
You're just like all the rest! What did I do to you?

[Pre-Chorus: Bart Baker as Taylor Swift]
So I used, my stalker app to track down all of those pricks
The next song I write I'll use their blood as my ink! Hey!

[Chorus: Jake Gyllenhaal, Ex-Boyfriends, Bart Baker as Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, *John Mayer*]
Holy crap, that nut job just bursted in! Ahh! What the hell is this?
It's a support group for all the men you wrote songs about, you bitch!
What? I have not written about Harry yet! I am just planning ahead
*Why are you even here anyway?* To finish you all off with my pen

[Post-Chorus: Ex-boyfriends, Taylor Swift]
No, (Ahh) no, (Ahh) devil, devil, devil (Ahh)
Oh, oh! It's true, I'm the devil!

[Bridge: Mike Surh as Dr. Ponytail, Johnny Mancan and Matt Sherin as Doctor's Aids, Taylor Swift, Ex-Boyfriends]
Okay, that's enough
You were right, she's nuts
You are coming with us
Wait, what?
Get off of me, I'm not crazy, ah!
It worked
[Chorus: Ex-boyfriends, Dr. Ponytail, Taylor Swift, Doctor's Aids]
This was all a trick, we knew you would come
So, we hired this doctor
You're going to an insane asylum
Based on the behavior I observed
Oh, oh, let me go, you assholes!
No! No!
Welcome to your new home

[Outro Skit: Mickey Mouse, Taylor Swift]
Haha, so you're crazy too, huh?
WUAHH!