[Intro: Lou Draws as will.i.am]
Bring the cancer

[Pre-Chorus 1: Bart Baker as Britney Spears, Philip Hersh as Simon Cowell, Page Kennedy as L.A. Reid, Kid]
When you hear this in the club
You're gonna throw your shit up
You're gonna puke up your guts
Because this song really sucks
When I'm outside the club
I'm flashin' my muff
I'm flashin' my muff
Makin' cameras blow up
She's the X-Factor judge
Who's always drugged up?
She also always looks drunk
Hey Lance, Simon, shut up
When I'm driving through the club
I'm doing hit and runs
While I'm holding my son
Driving drunk is fun (Ah!)

[Chorus 1: will.i.am, (Britney Spears)]
I like to mix lyrics that are total shit
With dance beats that are generic
And then make futuristic videos
That are tremendously boring and dull
I am a total douche who's better than you
That’s why I have this dumb hairdo
And why I use way too much Auto-Tune
You are now-now rockin' with a douchebag and a (Crazy bitch)
[Drop: will.i.am]
Product placement
Bring the cancer

[Verse 2: will.i.am, L.A. Reid, Simon Cowell, Robot]
I'm a fraud
This song was written by my dog
Why the hell do I dance like this?
I look like a drugged-up puppet!
You dance like a white dude
Ay, yo, my lyrics are so meaningless
My music is so horrendous
It makes Soulja Boy seem legit
It's rubbish!
Ay, yo, technology gets me so hot
I just had sex with this robot
It was robot rape, I said stop, stop, stop
Ay, yo, everybody can suck my cock
I am more important than god
And everybody should know that (I'm a douchebag)

[Pre-Chorus 2: Britney Spears, Simon Cowell]
When I'm on lots of drugs
I like to sound British
That's why I'm talking like this
You're not British, bitch!
I'm totally nuts, that's why I married K-Fed
I did a ton of Meth
And then I shaved my head
[Chorus 2: will.i.am, Simon Cowell & L.A. Reid, (Britney Spears)]
I am the worst musician of this decade
My songs will give your eardrums AIDS
I hit my head real hard when I was eight
That's why I dress like I'm from outer space
The random crap I say pisses the world off
Like "Boom-boom-pow" and "Mazeltov"
Somebody needs to make this garbage stop
You are now-now rockin' with a douchebag and a (Crazy bitch)