[Verse 1]
Oh, well, imagine as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor—
And I can't help but to hear, no, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words
"What a beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding", says a bridesmaid to a waiter
"And, yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore"

[Chorus]
I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of—

[Verse 2]
Oh, well, in fact, well, I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Oh, well, in fact, well, I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne

[Chorus]
I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of—
[Post-Chorus]
Poise and rationality
Again

[Chorus]
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of—

[Post-Chorus]
Poise and rationality
Again