SIDESADDLE
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella
I’ll take you for a ride

VELCRO
Yes, you shall go to the ball, lucky fella
Your carriage waits just step inside

SIDESADDLE
I can’t do tricks with pumpkins
Nor no horses from white mice
But who needs veg and vermin
When you’ve got me for half price

VELCRO AND SIDESADDLE
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella

SIDESADDLE
I’ll get you there alright

VELCRO AND SIDESADDLE
Yes, you shall go to the ball I can tell a
Lot is up for grabs
You’ve got the best of cabs tonight

DANA (speaker)
Clo, how do I look?
CLODAGH (speaker)
Like someone’s covered you in Pritt Stick and rolled you through Accessorize

CLODAGH
I could use another pint of baileys

DANA
A Baileys

CLODAGH
Second thoughts I’ll have a glass of white

DANA
Make it two

CLODAGH AND DANA
Two silly bints
Gonna fight for a prince

DANA
‘Cos tonight

CLODAGH
Tonight

CLODAGH AND DANA
Tonight
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella
Both looking fit
And slim
Yes, we shall go to the ball looking stellar
I could be the girl for him
CLODAGH
I love this shade of lip gloss

DANA
My mascara’s by Chanel

CLODAGH AND DANA
You’d never think two scrubbers
Could have got tarted up quite this well

LORD BELLINGHAM
Those who raise an eyebrow at the age gap
Need to keep their nose from my affairs
Gossips may think
That I’m dating a twink but who cares?
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella
With all that boyish charm
Yes, you shall go to the ball as my belle
A handsome trinket on my arm

ROBBIE
How did i let you talk me into this?
He just gives me the creeps

VELCRO
Maybe one should be more particular
About places one sleeps
ROBBIE
Sorry Cro, I know it’s not clever
Doing this is not what I’d ever choose

MARILYN
Here we go again, the golden couple

JAMES
Keep smiling

WILLIAM
This could really be the litmus test

MARILYN (spoken)
How is this!

WILLIAM
Make sure you mingle
And schmooz every single last guest

ROBBIE
How did I let you talk me into this
I feel weak at the knees

VELCRO
It’s not everyday you go partying
Not with people like these

SIDESADDLE
Come on guys! Enough hesitating
Can’t you see your carriage is waiting now

COMPANY
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella
Go where the lights are bright
Yes, you shall go to the ball, lucky fella
Your carriage waits just step inside
I can’t do tricks with pumpkins
Nor no horses from white mice
But who needs veg and vermin
When you’ve got me for half price

You shall go to the ball, Cinderella
Go for a night of glitz
Yes, you shall go to the ball, Cinderella
And mingle with those pompous gits

LORD BELLINGHAM (spoken)
Robbie

COMPANY
And get completely off your tits

JAMES (spoken)
Robbie?

COMPANY
And see if the glass slipper . .

ROBBIE (spoken)
Awkward!

COMPANY
Fits