It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie Has Cancer (Original Pilot) Script
INTRO: 12:45. On A Tuesday. Hollywood, CA.

EXT. CHARLIE'S APARTMENT

Glenn is waing outside, Charlie's apartment talking to the buzzer

CHARLIE: (Through the buzzer) Hello?

GLENN: Charlie.

CHARLIE: Ya?

GLENN: It's Glenn.

CHARLIE: Who?

GLENN: Glenn!

CHARLIE: Oh. Oh, yeah I'll call you up

The buzzer goes off and Glenn enters the building

Cut to Charlie's door. Charlie opens the door

GLENN: Hey! Charlie.
CHARLIE: Hey.

GLENN: What's up man. Your face looks kinds poofy man. Did you just wake up?

CHARLIE: Oh yeah. Actually I've been crying a little bit.

GLENN: Oh ehm, I'm sorry. Ey listen, do you have any sugar man? I just a shitload of coffee and I ran out of sugar.

CHARLIE: I might, here come on in.

GLENN: Sure

Glenn walks into Charlie's apartment, the place looks really shabby

GLENN: Jesus dude, I thought my place looked like shit.

CHARLIE: Oh yeah, sorry.

GLENN: Did you have a party or something. I mean seem like you're a little hungover or some shit.

Glenn picks up an XBOX game

CHARLIE: No, it's I found out that I might have cancer.

GLENN: What?
CHARLIE: Yeah, found out a couple weeks ago that I might have cancer. That's why I've been kinda hold-up in here. I haven't been going to auditions. I haven't even told anybody.

GLENN: You haven't told anybody that you have cancer?

CHARLIE: That I might have cancer. I mean I don't know yet that I have cancer. I'm waiting to find that out. But no, yeah I haven't.

GLENN: Jesus dude, eh. I don't know what to say.

Charlie grabs a pamflet

CHARLIE: This pamflet goes over cancer and eh... Glenn you know. It feels really good to get this if my chest. I've been beating myself up for weeks in here and eh...

GLENN: Yeah, eh yeah.

CHARLIE: I mean I'm glad we can talk you know. We can talk right?

GLENN: Yeah, eh yeah. I mean we should talk, we should talk.

CHARLIE: It started out like this: I wasn't feeling well...

GLENN: Oh I'm s.. Did you, did you, did you wanna talk right now?

CHARLIE: I was thinking...

GLENN: Ah, this is tough Charlie. I... I actually can't. I'm rea... I can't talk right now. I got... I have this meeting that I have in like half an hour. And I've been putting on for like a month dude.
CHARLIE: Okay

GLENN: I should cancel it!

CHARLIE: No, no.

GLENN: I'll cancel it dude. No?

Charlie shakes his head

CHARLIE: Nah, I mean... You know, I don't...

GLENN: I really shouldn't cancel it.

CHARLIE: Then don't.

GLENN: Okay, uhm.

An awkward moment of silence.

GLENN: Alright, ehm cool.

They walk to the door

GLENN: So, listen man. Seriously, keep your head up. You'll get through this.

CHARLIE: Yeah, I'll be fine. Yeah look, can you see if you can you keep this on the DL. At least until I know... get the results.

GLENN: Oh yeah, of course man.

CHARLIE: I still don't want...

GLENN: I understand, I won't say anything.

BOTH: Okay

Charlie wants to open the door, Glenn stops him.

GLENN: Listen man, do you can I still get that sugar though. I'm sorry, I made a shitload of coffee.

CHARLIE: Yeah, you made.. okay.

Charlie gets sugar

CHARLIE: Here you go.

GLENN: Thanks. (looks at the bag) Uhm, I'll get this back to you.

CHARLIE: Okay, great. Well, I'm not really going to need it... so.

GLENN: Don't say that.

CHARLIE: Oh, no it's that. I don't know, a little bit of a diabetic issue now so uhm.

GLENN: Oh, so you really won't need it then.

CHARLIE: No.

GLENN: Okay, great. Eh, we'll talk!

CHARLIE: Okay, diao Glenn.

Glenn walks away

END OF PILOT