It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac Meets Carmen (Pilot) Script
EXT. UNKNOWN NEIGHBOURHOOD

Glenn and Charlie are standing outside. Glenn is drinking a beer, while Charlie is putting them in his vest, perhaps stealing them

GLENN: The women in this city... Shallow, materialistic and du.. just stupid.

CHARLIE: I know.

GLENN: Don't get the cans, get the bottles. Get the eh, airports.

Rob runs to Charlie and Glenn

ROB: Guys, you guys. You have no idea what just happened. I just met a girl who is amazing. Smart, beautiful, the whole thing.

GLENN: That's great, dude.

CHARLIE: Which one?

ROB: That.. The brown one over there.

He points to Carmen, who stands a neaerby a house talking to another guy.

Glenn looks to Charlie, they both start laughing.

GLENN: The one by the chair?
ROB: Yeah.

GLENN: That's awesome, that's a dude.

CHARLIE: That's a man.

ROB: No, the brown one, with the hair.

GLENN: The brown one, right yeah. (Together with Charlie) That's a guy. (alone) That's Sheilo's friend Carmen right?

ROB: Yeah, Carmen.

CHARLIE: Transsexual.

GLENN: Implants?

CHARLIE: Yes.

ROB: Are you sure?

CHARLIE: Yes.

GLENN: Look, look, look at his jeans?

Cut to Carmen
GLENN: There's a bulge in there

CHARLIE: That's a penis. That's the bulge of a penis.

GLENN: A bulge of a big penis in... in his jeans.

CHARLIE: That's a man, that's a manrub.

MAC: Gimme a second.

CHARLIE AND GLENN: Alright.

Cut to Rob walking to Carmen

CARMEN: You know, you don't owe me the plate. That's fine.

ROB: Excuse me? (to Carmen's discussion partner) Yeah could you give us one second. Thanks (to Carmen - points to her/his pants) Is that a penis in your pants?

CARMEN: Yeah.

ROB: You lied to me.

CARMEN: No, I didn't. You lied to me. Pharmaceutical Sales please, I saw you on that episode of Law & Order.

ROB: No, don't turn this a.. Law & Order, you saw that?
CARMEN: Yeah.

ROB: Yeah, really did you...

Glenn and Charlie are walking behind them

GLENN: Rob. Can we go, please.

CARMEN: You were pretty good actually.

ROB: You think so? I thought it was a little over the top.

CARMEN: I thought it was great.

CHARLIE & GLENN: Rob! Come on.

ROB: I gotta go. But ehm, you know what maybe.. I'll call you. I'll call you.

CARMEN: Bye.

Rob walks away, Carmen smiles

The pilot ends with a cut to her bulge

END OF PILOT