Oh, to have a pristine claw
These hands are old and sore
The knuckles they ache, the bones they do break
Oh, to have a youthful frown
Bleed on the surgeon's gown
Put plastic in me, I'm perfect you see

Don't look older than 43
But really I'm 70
Now run young man and get my pills from the pharmacy
Rearrange my face for a hefty fee
I can't change the inside of me
I'm a vampire of the 21st century

Oh, to have a pristine claw
Marry the doctor when I'm poor
A face I can love, a cut that's above
If, the aliens landed here
They'd see why we're so weird
We're destined to die, we're destined to die

Don't look older than 43
But really I'm 70
Now run young man and get my pills from the pharmacy
Rearrange my face for a hefty fee
I can't change the inside of me
I'm a vampire of the 21st century
That's me, that's me, that's me, that's me...