[Verse 1]
Robbed my great auntie 'cause I found out she was bi
Just stepped on a crack and shattered my grandma back
I just robbed the local Walgreens, I'm feelin' good
Punched him in the face, now he a special-ed linebacker
Hit my girlfriend in the mouth 'cause she ate my shoe
Slapped the lunch lady with her food because the food sucked
I am wanted in multiple countries for organ traffickin'
Call me Bob the Builder 'cause I be robbin' grannies
Just broke my turkеy while walkin' in Turkey
Fed a pеnguin at the zoo, he threw a fish at me
My dad a cool guy with AIDS, we call him Kool-Aids
Drank some hand sanitizer, now I'm at the ER
I flew five times better than Spirit Airlines
I ran over an elderly man for eating my cookies
Just went to the airport and screamed, "Bomb"
I farted on my mama 'cause she took my Xbox

[Verse 2]
Just punched a pregnant woman at the CVS
Shampoo and conditioner taste better than the body work
Jumped out a buildin' and hit a nearby pedestrian
I think I just misplaced my abdomen
Hit my daddy with a pan 'cause he got the milk and ran
I just got scammed out my Kung Kao beef
Stepped on a bee, broke my left and right knee
I put some butter on my chicken, call that avocado toast
I had too much Sprite, now my body hurts
I just got ran over by a car, but I'm feelin' good
They call me handicapped because I keep that cap handy
Bro told me I sound fire, should I put it out?
I'm like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, you like Frosted Cheerios
I just gave a cow a steak and he liked it
My cousin gave my uncle some pig food
I walked outta school, I call that ditchin'
My father got arrested for stealin' a dolphin
[Verse 3]
Call me foreskin the way I'm holdin' all this cheese
Bitch tryna shit on me in bed, call her Amber Heard
Slapped my fat cousin with a pizza, he ate my TV
My big homie once read a book, now he beat bitches
I just caught my cousin givin' head to some crackhead
I thought I lost my virginity, it turns out, it's a body pillow
I got hoes in my clothes, so that mean I'm holy
My kids don't know who they daddy is, I'm the mailman
I met this Mexican and stole his car, call him Carlos
Fucked a mixed bitch on camera, call it mixtape
I gave a kid bleach and told him it was flavored water
My mama moanin' in her room, the fuck goin' on in there?