Serious man, your fucking' missus is nuts
My missus is nuts an' all
She rings me at least forty times a day
Serious

I seen you last night, you were drinking' in the pub
You were drinking' with that bird you tried to chat up in the nightclub
Can't say her name but she's got a gammy eye
And I feel an air of violence when I have to walk on by
You can't deny it, it's something you can't miss
That bird who's hanging' out with you is mad like cat piss
Like bread and jam, or a knife going with butter
Face it son, your missus is a nutter!

Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Leave her alone! Your missus is a nutter!

I've never seen a woman make a fucking' skinhead cry
And I never seen a woman try to snap an arm with her thigh
Now I have and it's just across the pub
And the worst thing is she's taking' you home for a rub
You don't deserve it, you know it's a fact
But mix her up with booze, you got a suicide pact
2 tequilas and 4 vodka mules
She's a wrecking ball and her fists are the tools
Binge drinking, binge drinking
Tried keeping up with your missus, what was I thinking?
She looks like Caprice
But it's a shock to see her wrestling 2 police
With one in a headlock!
Fighting with bouncers and flashing her bits
After 2 flaming' sambucas she don't care who she hits
Waking up on Sunday morning, with bruises and cuts
Face it son, your missus is nuts!

Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Leave her alone! Your missus is a nutter!

Your missus was looking at my missus
So my missus, sparked out your missus
Your missus was looking at my missus
So my missus, sparked out your missus

It was last week, what really got me thinking
About how your missus goes nuts when we go drinking
Last week, she ended up on a binge
She got off her tits and showed the bouncers her minge
And it's the threat of grievous bodily harm
She needs to keep calm, and use her charm
I used to think it was funny, it made me laugh
When she threw that ashtray at the bar staff
Stabbed a man with a cone just to get a drink
There's no logic, just have a drink, fight, drink, fight, drink!
She grabs your throat and stares into your eyes
Have you ever seen a woman kill a man with her thighs?

Oh son, your missus is trouble
Everytime you have a drink she has a double
Is she on pukkas?
I think she's tripping?
Stop looking' at me love, this is water what I'm sipping'

I seen her get on a mountain bike, and she drove it to chip land, and did 'em all in!
Wicked!

Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Leave her alone! Your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Leave her alone! Your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Leave her alone! Your missus is a nutter!
She's nuts man! she's off her head! Innit!