Now this is a story I've got to share
It'll only take a minute, sit right there
If you shop at Iceland or Matalan
Let me tell you about a special place called Cwmbran

In South Wales, home to straights and gays
With fantastic free parking, you can park any days
Go up the leisure centre, look at tits in the pool
Get arrested hanging round one of the secondary schools

There's a number of pubs and they're all quite good
Although the square's full of roughs from the neighbourhood
So get on the motorway and drive as fast as you can
On the A-4-0-5-1 to Cwmbran

In West Cwmbran they have a trading estate
You can rent a warehouse for a reasonable rate
They had the first McDonalds in South Wales
And if you drank in the Moonraker you had to be nails

Forty-seven thousand people known to live around there
That's ten thousand more than the folks in Aberdare
If you like folk dancing then just ring up and call
They do lessons in Llantarnam at the local church hall

Cwmbran's not known for rape or killing
It's a great place to go, if you're chilling
I went around the world from L.A. to Japan
I never found a place with parking quite like Cwmbran
Now this is a story about a standard Welsh town
With adequate facilities, come on down
They got a cinema, biscuit factory, built to plan
I want tell you all about a place I know called Cwmbran

Go on a day trip, in the car
In the mornings go to Llandegfedd reservoir
Then if you're bored, in the afternoons
Enjoy reasonably priced booze in the JD Wetherspoons

The people of Cwmbran will help you reach your goal
From drainage to locksmith to pest control
So if you come from far away like Essex or Vietnam
Just remember it's the place where indoor shopping began

There's so much to see, where to begin
You might wanna stay the night at the Premier Inn
So get your sister, your aunty, your cousin and your gran
And take them on a day trip, up to Cwmbran

If you had an operation and you need rest and calm
You can spend the day hanging out at Green Meadow Farm
They've got llamas, sheep, chicken, pigs and a cow
And if you don't know how to milk them then the staff will show you how

This was a story about a special place
Where if you take your car, you'll always find a space
And that was the story of how it began
And how you can be the Fresh Prince of Cwmbran
[spoken]
Oh Cwmbran, they've got [?] there

I saw Colin Jackson in Cwmbran stadium once. [?]

My mate went to a car boot sale in Cwnbran last weekend and bought a full bondage outfit for fourteen quid, wicked

I've got a mate up in Cwnbran called Verve, didn't leave the house for three years, and he only wears chinos