Welcome to the job centre, come on in
Fill out the forms, let's begin!
"What type of job are you looking for?"
"What type of job did you do before?"
If you're not sure we can do a special search
If you're the priest, we can find the church
If you think your soul's rubbish we'll find you a dust-cart
Job-seekers all scream for "restart!"

Walk in, grab a little bit of paper
Roll up for the magical caper
Come to the counter, make you a wish
Granted by the staff always sittin on their Sarfish
Come on in, always havin a laugh
Give you a check if you give us an autograph
Every two weeks, you get it in the post
I like spending mine on booze the most!

[Hook]
At the Job Centre, life's a laugh
They gives you free cash for yer autograph! (Give me some money!)

Sign up, sign on, everyone come along
Drink lager outside, but only if it's strong
Then inside to make your appointment
If you got no money it's always worth a punt
Some people been going there for ages
Their file's like the bible but its got more pages
If you're new they won't recognize your head
Send your mitts to sign on, while you stay in bed
Get on the dole! Make a stand!
Remember not to tell them 'bout the 'cash in hand'
Sat next to a bloke who really stank
Sayin' the Job Centre was his personal bank
Dress up like a tramp, makin you unemployable
Gettin free monies and makin life more enjoyable
People of all creeds, all shapes, all ages
Are votin the problem off minimum wages

[Hook]
At the Job Centre, life's a laugh!
They gives you free cash for yer autograph! (Give me some money!)

Now and then I go through the riggamarole
Cause I know the loop-holes when it comes to dole
I'm going for the jackpot, it's going to pay
Cause I'm all about the notion of doin half-A
There's no harm in telling a little white lie
When I sail up for work, low and high
Fifty quid a week is all I'm lookin' for
To supplement my income from sellin' draw

"What about a vocation as a kid's clown?"
"What about a job where I can lie down?"
He said, "Man, you must be havin' a laugh."
It's not a career, but it's my chosen path
He says, "It's not this week," and signs my little book
It's bout the scratch of my ass, and I'm promised a look
But I'll go back to the Job Centre again
Cause it's warm, and I get a free pen!
[Hook]
At the Job Centre, life's a laugh!
They gives you free cash for yer autograph! (Give me some money!)

[Refrain]

I told them I used to be something in the city
Chairman of the Board, Head of the Committee
He didn't believe me and I had no proof
I don't even wear a suit, so I told him the truth
"I want some money can you give me some?"
I don't really have an education
You can send me on a course, I can do some basic training
But when it comes to work - I'm abstaining

I told him that I trained as a deep-sea diver
And my last job was a "professional Skyper"
This didn't help, I could tell by his demeanor
Cause he offered me work as a part-time cleaner
So I had to go for the last resort
I said I broke my neck, when I was playing sports
Now I spends my days, sitting on my ass
And get plasti- ? , with my free bus pass!

[Hook]
At the Job Centre, life's a laugh!
They gives you free cash for yer autograph!{x2}
I had a job in a bank, but I lost the cash
I sold weed from my flat, but I smoked the stash