[GEOFF]
Here's an open letter to a treasure of a girl!

[BLAINELEY, spoken]
That's me!

[GEOFF]
Whose behavior on this show always make me hurl!

[BLAINELEY, spoken]
What?

[GEOFF]
She's a nasty, fake blonde schemer who calls herself "your host"
Without the help of her entourage, her job would be toast!

[ENTOURAGE]
Hey!

[BLAINELEY, spoken]
Hey! Hey...

[GEOFF]
She'll tell you that she loves your shirt, but it's something she can't stand
She's just so full of you-know-what, she has to double-flush the can!
[ENTOURAGE]
Hey!

[BLAINELEY, spoken]
I eat a lot of fiber!

[GEOFF]
She bought two pairs of the same jeans, one size four, and one size eight
So when she wears the bigger ones, you'll ask if she's lost weight!

[ENTOURAGE]
Hey!

[GEOFF]
She's not the gal you think she is, so let me tell you plainly
There's thick black hair between her toes, and her real name isn't Blaineley!

[ENTOURAGE]
Hey!

[GEOFF]
She's a phony, scheming, weasel-nose, and her real name isn't Blaineley
She steals and lies, and she's evil, bros, and her real name isn't Blaineley!
It's Mildred!

[ENTOURAGE]
Hey!