[Verse 1]
I hate this place!
I can barely keep the misery off my face!
Yeah, there's one place I'd much rather be
Taking transfiguration and arithmancy
And hangin' with my friends in the owlery
But instead I'm learning parts of speech
And tryin' not to fall asleep
And avoiding the only girl in school who might like me

[Verse 2]
It's so grotesque
When the guy sittin' next to me drools all over his desk
And I almost raise my hand to complain
But then I realize that I want to be doin' the same
So I put my head down on my desk as well
And suddenly I'm learning a spell
To make my teacher's head swell
But then he wakes me up
And I can't help but yell
Engorgio!

[Chorus]
This isn't Hogwarts
This is a concrete box
And the pictures on the wall are never going to talk
And the teachers don't care the kids don't try
And the most magical thing we have is fluorescent lights
And they don't put you in Hufflepuff if you're not cool
Instead they sort you in the parking lot after school
And I think if I looked into the Mirror of Erised
I'd be wearing wizard robes with gold and red!
I'm not saying that I'm not proud to be a nerd
But public school ain't no place for a wizard
Yeah, public school ain't no place for a wizard!

[Verse 3]
Y'know what's gross!
When the lunch meat looks like three day old soggy toast
But as I ate it anyway I overheard;
This guy I hardly know, calling me a nerd
So I cast Sectumsempra on him, inside my mind
I wish there were house elves making my food
And everything was perfectly spiced
And the only one being rude was the poltergeist!

[Verse 4]
Then here's what's true;
I'd do pretty much anything to go to wizard school
I'd even call Dolores Umbridge my friend
If it meant I never had to go to gym again
But I look around at all of this crap
That's part of my life
No ghosts stalking the halls
Or hanging in the bathroom stalls
And the stairs don't move
Cause there's no stairs at all!
[Chorus]
This isn't Hogwarts
This is a concrete box
And the pictures on the wall are never going to talk
And the teachers don't care the kids don't try
And the most magical thing we have is fluorescent lights
And they don't put you in Hufflepuff if you're not cool
Instead they sort you in the parking lot after school
And I think if I looked into the Mirror of Erised
I'd be wearing wizard robes with gold and red!

I'm not saying that I'm not proud to be a nerd
But public school ain't no place for a wizard!
Yeah, public school ain't no place for a wizard!