There's a place where you don't want to be
Where people die constantly
And they never die in normal ways
It's preposterous
But still cliche
When your drug dealer's aunt kills your mom in a duel by chopping off her head with a scythe in the pool
Well their not saying it makes sense
They're just interpreting the evidence
This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
Will come back cause you know he did it
They're not even trying any more
And i'm getting bored

There's semen all over the crime scene
So they use the super fancy semen testing machine
And the DNA database gets a hit
But it looks like he might still get away with it
But the final piece of evidence totally stumps the bad guy's defence and he breaks down in front of everyone and tells them exactly how it was done

This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
Will come back cause you know he did it
They're not even trying any more
And I'm getting bored
By the middle of the first season murder is eclipsed by sexual tension
And I guess that probably happens a lot
Since crime fighting people are always so hot
But then the serial killer kidnaps the girl and they promise to save her if it costs them the world
And they find her two seconds before she dies
And they hug
And they laugh
And they screw
And they cry

This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
Will come back cause you know he did it
They're not even trying any more
And I'm getting bored