[Intro]
Good morning, John
There is a Roast Yourself challenge happening right now
I've got some lyrics
We're gonna do it
It's probably a bad idea
Yo, what's up?
Hank Green!
Here to roast myself like Ryan Higa said
Giving it all that I gotta give

[Verse]
I haven't even started, already feeling culturally appropriative
Here I am, sitting where I sit every Thursday morning
Yeah, Thursday, 'cause I'm careful, I'm normal, I'm boring
I'm not gonna risk a punishment, I no longer have time for that
I keep adding to my list 'cause I like getting hit with baseball bats
Nah, it's 'cause I like how it makes me feel like I matter
'Cause I'm doing things, even though it's not real
I want to be remembered, but here's what's pretty clear:
Someday there will be no humans left to remember anybody was here
I need approval from society, so I do what it expects of me
And as a straight pale male, I can do it quite expediently
I sit in front of books so that you know that I'm smart
And while my brother has natural puff, I use the stuff I got at Wal-Mart
The majority of my audience wants me to feel the Bern
But I'm too old for revolution, I just don't want to feel the Donald Trump, okay?
Spending money has always given me anxiety
I avoid cursing because my freedom is trumped by propriety
And I'll never be like Pewds on the cover of Variety
And having a notable brother doesn't convey notoriety
I keep talking about a book that I'm gonna write someday
But it's never gonna be TFiOS, so why do I try anyway?
But I love Snapchat like a tween, so let's do that instead
Takin' cat snats with my Gilbahrt, doin' it straight from my bed
I'm thirty-six years old, but I pretend to be a punk rocker
But as you probably heard, I'm a nerd who sings mostly about Harry Potter
And thanks to a teleprompter, I get to pretend that I know everything
About the standard model and philosophy, but mostly I'm just reading
So I pay people to do the things and to help me create
It's capitalism, a system I support but my former self would hate
I pontificate like I'm an expert, but I'm really not that great
And yes, if she asked? I would be Hillary's running mate
But she's not gonna
'Cause I'm a gangly white dude roastin' myself on YouTube
I may be a little old to be doing this stuff
Maybe a little less sillier in the future?
[Outro]
Just chill it out a little bit? I...I..I feel like maybe focus on the educational stuff?
Not the, like, the fun hip rapping challenges?
That doesn't seem like a good idea
Nah