[WASHINGTON IRVING]
Behold the bulging council of the city
Those gray and solemn elders
Chosen, like all city councils
For their weight and density
The incredible dilatoriness of their deliberations
The impenetrable intransigence of their opinions
But more especially for the inordinate breadth of their views
And bottoms
And for their intolerance of any corruption
In which they have no share

[Trumpet fanfare.]

[CORLEAR, spoken]
Oyez! Oyez! Nеws! Now we got news! I see a ship on the bay! Seems to bе coming this way!

[VAN RENSSELAER, spoken]
Could be Governor Stuyvesant's ship, you think?

[VANDERBILT, spoken]
Could be? It's go to be!

[DE PEYSTER, spoken]
It's a holiday!
[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Sit down! Sit down! As chairman of the council I tell you to come to order, and hush up so we could be silent. Answer up your names. Van Rensselaer. 

[VAN RENSSELAER, spoken]
Here, Tienhoven. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
De Vries. 

[DE VRIES, spoken]
Here. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
De Peyster. 

[DE PEYSTER, spoken]
Here. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Van Cortlandt, Jr. 

[VAN CORTLANDT, JR., spoken]
Here, sir. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Vanderbilt. 
[VANDERBILT, spoken]
Here. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Roosevelt. 

[ROOSEVELT, spoken]
Here, by golly. Only Tienhoven, why do have the big bandage on your head, huh?

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Oh, don't reminding me of it! We should make a law says nobody is hitting a council member on the head with a bowling ball. Now then, gentlemen of the council, we have seen that ship and the new Governor, Peter Stuyvesant himself, comes in maybe half hour. It's a national holiday with a national celebration, and somebody got to be hanged by the neck 'til dead in style. Because suppose the new Governor comes and nobody is hanged on Hanging Day, that's a shame for us, a civilized nation. 

[VAN RENSSELAER, spoken]
We got to hang a man!

[DE PEYSTER, spoken]
That's true!

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Which man we going to hang and how we going to hang him so it hurts more?

[VAN CORTLANDT, JR., spoken]
Should we hang a Quaker or maybe a Baptist?

[DE PEYSTER, spoken]
Last time we hang a Baptist he folds up and dies too quick. Quakers is tougher. 
[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
For the new Governor, Peter Stuyvesant, we should give him the best, so maybe we should hang a Quaker. 

[DE VRIES, spoken]
How many Quakers we got left?

[DE PEYSTER, spoken]
Two. Very tough men. Preachers. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Wouldn't die too hasty?

[DE PEYSTER, spoken]
No, no. They kick maybe half hour. 

[SCHERMERHORN, spoken]
Wait, wait! I wish to speak private with the president of the council. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Speak it out loud. This is a holiday. 

[SCHERMERHORN, spoken]
Well then, there is nobody to hang. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Why not?

[SCHERMERHORN, spoken]
There is nobody in the jail. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Why not? There was plenty yesterday. 

[SCHERMERHORN, spoken]
They went out through the hole. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
What hole?

[SCHERMERHORN, spoken]
The hole in the jail!

[ROOSEVELT, spoken]
Is there a hole in the jail?

[SCHERMERHORN, spoken]
Ja, there is. Once I had a prisoner used to cut notches every day. So when I want to know what day it was I go look at his notches. Every day he cut notches bigger und bigger, 'til the last time he cut a notch right through und went out. That's how the hole got there. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
We got to find somebody. 

[DE PEYSTER, spoken]
We got to find somebody. 

[VANDERBILT, spoken]
Maybe we could sneak down by the waterfront very soft, maybe we could catch even a pretty good criminal. 

[COUNCIL, spoken]
Ja, ja, ja. 

[TIENHOVEN, spoken]
Let's go. Only look like you wasn't looking. On tippy-toes. 

[COUNCIL exits.]

[IRVING, spoken]
Washington Irving speaking again. Now we've started. Only we must have a hero, of course. Ah, here's the fellow. Brom Broeck, strolling along the Bowery, hat on the back of his head. 

[BROM, spoken]
Poor sort of hero I turn out to be. No money, no job, no social graces. 

[IRVING, spoken]
I want you the way you are. 

[BROM, spoken]
Even with my bad disposition? Do you realize I've quarreled with every influential person in town? Even Mynheer Tienhoven, father of the girl I love. I hit him on the head with a bowling ball. 

[IRVING, spoken]
You wouldn't be that way if I didn't have a good reason for it. Remember, I'm creating you. Now come on, we've got to get on with the story! First, I'll surround you with some pretty Dutch maidens. 

[FIRST GIRL, spoken]
Look, it's Brom!

[SECOND GIRL, spoken]
Oh, Brom, where have you been?

[THIRD GIRL, spoken]
You shouldn't be here, you know. Mynheer Tienhoven, president of the city council, says you're a very destructive young man and should be punished severely. 

[BROM, spoken]
I know, but I've reformed. Never make trouble again. Keep out of fights and get along with everybody. 

[FIRST GIRL, spoken]
Now Brom—

[BROM, spoken]
Yes, I will too. I want to get married and before you get married you have to be civilized. 

[FIRST GIRL, spoken]
Oh, Brom, I know somebody who's missed you since you went away. 

[BROM, spoken]
I've missed her too. If you see her you might tell her. 

[SECOND GIRL, spoken]
Shall I call her?

[BROM, spoken]
Well, fine. 

[SECOND GIRL, spoken]
Tina! Tina Tienhoven! Somebody's come back!

[THIRD GIRL, spoken]
Brom's here! You better come out!

[TINA, spoken]
I'm not allowed to see him. Father says he's always fighting!

[BROM, spoken]
Not me, no more! I've reformed!

[TINA, spoken]
Oh, well, maybe if you're reformed! Brom, I'm so glad to see you, but why do you fly into these terrible rages all the time?

[BROM, spoken]
Run along, girls. Oh, Tina, I'd have to tell you sometime. It's a strange malady. I can't take orders. No matter how hard I try, I just can't take orders from anybody. 

[TINA, spoken]
But why?

[BROM, spoken]
I know you'll say this is ridiculous, but I think maybe it was something I ate. 

[TINA, spoken]
Don't be silly. 

[BROM, spoken]
I'm not being silly. I was never bothered this way in Holland. Why, I used to take orders perfectly well. No, it started in this country that winter I was out in the woods, living on wild turkey and Indian corn. 

[TINA, spoken]
A very peculiar story. Of course, I can see that if you can't take orders, then you can't work for my father, and then you won't see so much of me. And there's probably someone else, and—

[BROM, spoken]
Oh, no, no, no, no, Tina. I've been utterly miserable away from you. But your father forgot, and started ordering me around, and I hit him with a bowling ball. 

[TINA, spoken]
Ha ha ha! Was that why he's wearing a bandage?

[BROM, spoken]
Ha ha ha. But don't let it bother us, Tina. Don't let it come between us forever. 

[TINA, spoken]
Oh, I think I'd forgive you anything except not wanting me. But you've been away for weeks, and no word from you.