[Part I: Vive la différence]

[Verse 1]
He takes a shower, then a hasty rub
She spends an hour soaking in the tub
Vive la différence

[Verse 2]
He leaves athletics to the middle class
She leaves cosmetics on the shiny glass
Vive la différence

[Bridge]
We both like music sincerely
We both like porterhouse steaks
We are not so different really
But, oh, what a difference the diffеrence makes

[Verse 3]
Hе has a torso singularly pure
Hers even more so, plurally allure
Little variations have their compensations
Vive la différence

[Outro]
He would take it grimly
If she were his facsimile
Vive la différence
[Part II: One Touch of Venus]

[Verse 4]
Some girls have a touch of Venus
It can help a girl a lot
Why describe a touch of Venus?
You either have it or not
If you have a touch of Venus
Men will all react the same

[Chorus]
With a little touch of Venus
A little touch of Venus
A lady can beat the game
With a little touch of Venus
One little touch of Venus
A lady can beat the game

[Verse 5]
The world belongs to men and women
The banks belong to men
The world is just a green persimmon
If you're an average hen
Venus found she was a goddess
In a world controlled by gods
[Chorus]
So she opened up her bodice
She opened up her bodice
And equalized the odds
So she opened up her bodice
She opened up her bodice
And equalized the odds

[Bridge]
If you have a touch of Venus
Men of iron turn to clay
Confidentially, between us
They are suckers in the hay
Look what Beatrice did to Dante
What DuBarry did to France
Venus showed them that the pantie
Is mightier than the pants

[Verse 6]
Some girls have a touch of Venus
They get diamonds every night
If she has a touch of Venus
When a girl does wrong she does it right
I could use a touch of Venus
It comes in handy in a pinch
[Chorus]
Mix a little touch of goddess
A little touch of damsel
And life is just a goddess damsel cinch

[Part III: That's How Much I Love You]

[Verse 7]
More than a catbird hates a cat
Or a criminal hates a clue
Or the Axis hates the United States
That's how much I love you

[Verse 8]
As a sailor's sweetheart hates the sea
Or a juggler hates a shove
As a wife detests unexpected guests
That's how much you I love

[Bridge]
I love you more than a wasp can sting
And more than a hangnail hurts
I love you more than commercials are a bore
And more than a grapefruit squirts

[Verse 9]
I swear to you by the stars above
And below, if such there be
As a bride would resent a blessed event
That's how you are loved by me

[Verse 10]
More than a waiter hates to wait
Or a lioness hates the zoo
Or a batter dislikes those called third strikes
That's how much I love you

[Verse 11]
As much as a lifeguard hates to swim
Or a writer hates to read
Or the censor frowns on low-cut gowns
That's how much you I need

[Bridge]
I love you more than a hive can itch
And more than a chilblain chills
I yearn for you in an ivy-clad igloo
As a liver yearns for pills

[Verse 12]
I swear to you by the earth below
And above, if such there be
As a dachshund abhors revolving doors
That's how you are loved by me

[Part IV: Very, Very, Very]

[Verse 13]
One way to be very wealthy
Is to be very, very, very rich
You can pile up mink and ermine
Like a hermit accumulates vermin
If you occupy the proper financial niche

[Verse 14]
One way to be very happy
Is to be very, very, very rich
There are kinds of human pleasure
That are not to be purchased with treasure
But I can't remember exactly which

[Bridge]
I've heard my gilded friends complain
There are troubles money cannot cure
But a trouble is a trouble is a trouble
And it's twice the trouble when a person is poor

[Verse 15]
In the carefree kingdom of the wealthy
You will never see an eyebrow twitch
It's a minor peccadillo
To patronize the wrong pillow
When you're very, very, very rich

[Interlude]
Damn Uncle Pierpoint! He left me a packet
And moved me into a higher bracket
Since Sally's run off with her obstetrician
Her hair's turned red and she looks like a Titian
Of course, I'd hate to swear in court
What kind of Titian, beaut or mort?
Have you paid your platina fur tax?
I am up to my neck in surtax!

[Verse 16]
One way to never spend a penny
Is to be very, very, very rich
If you live along Park Avenue
You've dandy credit, haven't you?
So why pay your grocery bills and sich?

[Verse 17]
In the costly dotage of the wealthy
You resurrect that bygone itch
You huddle with your memoirs
And boy! What memoirs them was!
When you're very, very, very, very rich

[Part V: Vive la différence (Reprise)]

[Verse 18]
He likes to linger for another scotch
She keeps a finger pointing at her watch
Vive la différence

[Verse 19]
He's so remorseful every time he errs
She's so resourceful concerning sins of hers
Vive la différence

[Bridge]
We'll both walk out on a lecture
We both hate spiders and snakes
We differ in architecture
But, oh, what a difference the difference makes

[Verse 20]
He'll shout and spout on how girdles make him grin
She's holding out on what she is holding in
I'm a wonder, if, er, suppose we didn't differ
Vive la différence

[Outro]
There's a happy sequel
We'll never be physiqual
Vive la différence