Hello Dan, it's Joe here
I hope you're keeping well
It's the 21st of December
And now they're ringing the last bells

If I get good behaviour
I'll be out of here by July
Won't you kiss my kids on Christmas Day
Please don't let 'em cry for me

I guess the brothers are driving down from Queensland
And Stella's flying in from the coast
They say it's gonna be a hundred degrees, even more maybe
But that won't stop the roast

Who's gonna make the gravy now?
I bet it won't taste the same
Just add flour, salt, a little red wine and don't forget a dollop of tomato sauce for sweetness and that extra tang

And give my love to Angus and to Frank and Dolly
Tell 'em all I'm sorry I screwed up this time
And look after Rita, I'll be thinking of her early Christmas morning
When I'm standing in line

I hear Mary's got a new boyfriend
I hope he can hold his own
Do you remember the last one?
What was his name again?
(Just a little too much cologne)
And Roger, you know I'm even gonna miss Roger
'Cause there's sure as hell no one in here I want to fight
Oh praise the Baby Jesus, have a Merry Christmas
I'm really gonna miss it, all the treasure and the trash

And later in the evening, I can just imagine
You'll put on Junior Marvin and push the tables back
And you'll dance with Rita, I know you really like her
Just don't hold her too close, oh brother please don't stab me in the back

I didn't mean to say that, it's just my mind it plays up
Multiplies each matter, turns imagination into fact
You know I love her badly, she's the one to save me
I'm gonna make some gravy, I'm gonna taste the fat

Tell her that I'm sorry, yeah I love her badly, tell 'em all I'm sorry
And kiss the sleepy children for me
You know one of these days, I'll be making gravy
I'll be making plenty, I'm gonna pay 'em all back