[Verse 1]
It would appear that male pattern
Baldness has set in
His hair, at an alarming pace
Running away from his face
He's losing his virility
And now his masculinity
Has been compromised
And his libido down-sized

[Pre-Chorus]
Not for me, not for me, not for me, ah-ah
Not for me, not for me
Heaven forbid
It's not for me, you understand

[Chorus]
Bald, slap-headed and hairless (Bald)
Bald, he is destined to be
Bald
Well, tonight, thank God it's him (Thank God, instead of me)

[Verse 2]
From what I have been reading
His scalp needs kneading
To stimulate each folicle
And reverse this diabolical
Condition that's afflicted him
For years, and has cruelly
Repulsed each potential mate
And left him with a balding pate
[Pre-Chorus]
Not for me, not for me, not for me, ah-ah
Not for me, not for me
Heaven forbid
It's not for me, you understand

[Chorus]
Bald, slap-headed and hairless (Bald)
Bald, he is destined to be
Bald
Well, tonight, thank God it's him (Thank God, instead of me)

Sock it to me, baby, yeah!

[Solo 1]

[Pre-Chorus]
Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
Not for me, not for me
Heaven forbid
It's not for me, you understand
Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
Not for me, not for me
Heaven forbid
It's not for me, you understand
[Chorus]
Bald, slap-headed and hairless (Bald)
Bald, he is destined to be
Bald
Well, tonight, thank God it's him (Thank God, instead of me)
Thank God!

[Solo 2]

[Chorus]
Bald, slap-headed and hairless (Bald)
Bald, he is destined to be
Bald
Well, tonight, thank God it's him (Thank God, instead of me)