[Intro]
And now the grand old opera theater proudly presents
A special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold
December night huddled around the camp fire

How ‘bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one

Oh Chri-bip-mas tree oh Chri-bip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches

Why am I getting blipped again?
Haven't you heard guys? You can't say Chri-bip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I can't say Chri-bip-mas?
No you might offend somebody
Who is offended by Chri-bip-mas?
You know you might offend the bip and the bip and the atheists
What?
Time to politically correct
I'll lead this off

On the first day of Chri-bip-mas my true love sent to me

Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can't say Chri-bip-mas
Why not?
You can say bip on the last record
Why can't I say Chri-bip-mas?
I didn't make the rules
Hey listen guys, it's not that difficult
All you gotta do is change Chri-bip-mas to Holiday
You know, instead of saying white Chri-bip-mas, you say
I'm dreaming of a whi-bip Holiday
Why did I get blipped?
You've got to say Caucasian
So I have to sing, I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won't offend anybody

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay

Why do these people have to feel that way?
How come they get offended so easily?
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

I'm just trying to come up with a song here
Let's sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready
Bill your ready?
I'm ready
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!

We three kings of bip are bearing gifts we've traveled really far

Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now
What?
Oh, come on just try
I've gotta get hyped up for this

We three kings of Asia are

That sounds like horse bip
Oh lord, okay. How ‘bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people
And you can't say drummer ‘cause that will offend real musicians

How ‘bout little hahaha town of Bethlehem?
What's this with all the short jokes?
Hey how ‘bout we do Silent Night?
No, 'Cause it offends people hard of hearin' and afraid of the dark
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?

This happens every year

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

Ho ho ho!
No
I can't say ho?
No you might offend some women
So basically we can't sing anything?

I think that a bunch of bull bip

Softer George it's more effective
I think that a bunch of bull bip

Wait just a dang minute? I'm freakin' never been so freakin' ticked off in my whole eighty-five freakin' years. No no no no

You now what? I don't care who we offend
I'm gonna sing Chri-bip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-bip-mas carols
Louder Bill it's more effective
I don't care who we offend
I'm gonna sing Chri-bip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-bip-mas carols
Me too

We wish you a merry Chri-bip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-bip-mas
We wish you a merry Chri-bip-mas, and a happy ne-bip year

You can't say new; it'll offend the old folks
And you better not offend them
Us
Yeah