[DOT]
If this trash heap had a twinkle
In its little trash heap eyes
If this sewer rat had rosy cheeks
This bus became pint-size
What if all the dogs were puppies
And the puppies all were sad?
What if cuttlefish were cuddly
And we pedicured your dad?

What if you could kiss a pigeon
(Without contracting lyme disease)?
All the chairs were beanbags
(Made of soft, delicious cheese)
If this moldy bread had a smile
(That was fifty shades of green)
What if this pirate stop frowning
('Cause his head was a jelly bean)?

[Chorus]
What if, what if, what if
The world was cuter?
What if, what if, what if
A little more kawaii
What if, what if, what if
We all rode scooters?
And we'd all have our chance to shine
[DOT]
What if this red-faced man looked happy
And this one's rancor was more refined
What if Tuck Buck was your true love
So sweet and valentined (So sweet and valentined)

What if old shoes were more bouncy
Yeah, and they still had their squeak?
Naked mole rats wore a sweater
And grizzly bears were meek
We'll dress up this suit of armor
In a stone-washed denim skirt
Turn the Nile into a babbling brook
And make Niagra a little squirt

[Chorus]
What if, what if, what if
The world was cuter?
What if, what if, what if
A little more kawaii
What if, what if, what if
We all rode scooters?
And we'd all have our chance to shine

[DOT]
It's been four weeks, we can't stop singing
And we've slowly gone insane
[WAKKO]
There's a gumdrop wrapped in rainbows
Where there used to be my brain

[YAKKO]
We have to end this nightmare
I have got sugar in my eye

[YAKKO, WAKKO, & DOT]
Please, make it stop
We can't endure another cute reprise

[Chorus]
What if, what if
The pigeon is the answer?
What if, what if, what if
We held it close?
What if, what if, what if
We turned it all back?
What if, what if, what if
By doing something gross