Chorus:
♪ Here is a tale of a babysitting job. ♪
♪ The baby is something of a snob. ♪

Stewie:
Oh, go fuck yourselves!

Chorus:
♪ So listen very closely and you’ll find ♪
♪ That what they say is not the same as what’s on their mind. ♪

Haylie:
♪ Aren’t you a cute little boy! ♪
♪ Look at that melon-shaped head. ♪

Stewie:
♪ Having you here is a joy. ♪
♪ And in an hour, you’ll be dead! ♪

Haylie:
♪ Sit on my knee. ♪
♪ Please don’t go poo! ♪

Stewie:
♪ Nice place to be. ♪
♪ This one’s for you. ♪
Both:
♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪

Haylie:
♪ Why don’t we watch Will and Grace? ♪
♪ Jesus, do I need a smoke. ♪

Stewie:
♪ Jack puts a smile on my face. ♪
♪ Oh, what a surprise, a gay joke. ♪

Haylie:
♪ I like your house. ♪
♪ The ceiling has cracks. ♪

Stewie:
♪ I like your blouse. ♪
♪ Miss T J Maxx ♪

Both:
♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪

Chorus:
♪ And so they sat as time went by. ♪

Haylie:
♪ As slowly as time could go. ♪
Chorus:
♪ The baby glared and softly cursed. ♪

Stewie:
♪ Cause her lips and her skirt
And her shoes and her hair made her look like a ho. ♪

Haylie:
♪ Time for your bottle, my sweet. ♪
♪ This little brat smells like piss. ♪

Stewie:
♪ Always a succulent treat. ♪
♪ While I suck that, you suck this! ♪

Haylie:
♪ Aren’t you a sight? ♪
♪ Look at him drool. ♪

Stewie:
♪ You’re a delight. ♪
♪ Damn you, you fool! ♪

Both:
♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪
Chorus:
♪ The diaper change was quite a job. ♪

Haylie:
♪ The grossest I’ve ever seen. ♪

Chorus:
♪ The baby smiled and took a breath. ♪

Stewie:
♪ And I grunted and pooped out a poop
That looked something like Matthew Modine. ♪

Haylie:
♪ Someday you might meet a girl. ♪
♪ Yeah, she’s gonna be your right hand. ♪

Stewie:
♪ Maybe it’s you, my sweet pearl. ♪
♪ Darling, I’d rather fuck sand. ♪

Haylie:
♪ Have a good night! ♪
♪ You little creep. ♪

Stewie:
♪ Have a good night. ♪
♪ Die in your sleep! ♪

Both:
♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪
♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪