Better Off...

Everyday battling thoughts of how much better off I'd be dead
The only painkiller really a bullet through my head
Everyday battling thoughts of

[Verse 1]

Psychopathic rage
Accomplished nothing up to this age
Phase? Nah this my final stage
Just to see how I deal with it
Ain't that some shit

Saw [name omitted] as my shoulder to cry on but I nearly physically feel him drowning
Around in a cesspool of my blood and his own
Home we made one outta this music thing
Kings we'd never consider ourselves shit too many insecurities
Blurring these, lines between realistic and pessimistic
Be logistic
If I was any different from the next real homie doing it
Proven it, stats show, I'm nothing special
Gold medal to [name omitted] for making it this far in the race
Pace slowed down by me being ball and chain

[Verse 2]

Yeah, moving on to [name omitted]
And maybe I feel the discomfort when talking to you
Problems get brushed off nowadays shit I never wanted the truth
That I'm really falling apart
Foundation been shaky from the start
And maybe asking too much to place all this on the shoulder of my two best friends
But I need a fucken raft just to see me through this end

[name omitted] said something that really resonated with me
About how she claims to love but doesn't know me really
And it got me to thinking about how many people would be crying at my funeral
Know less than her so would sadness for a stranger be suitable
Like if I grew a pair and threw myself in front of a fucken bus
Skydive with no parachute to cross that off the bucket list
Too in touch with my emotions, call me a bitch, levitate from the noose to test my neck game
Suicide or riding it out if god is real I'm going to hell all the same


Everyday battling thoughts how much better off I'd be dead
The only painkiller really a bullet through my head
Everyday battling thoughts of

[Verse 3]

Mentally wrote about a dozen notes to say my goodbyes
Wouldn't want anyone to wrongly feel guilt with their misguided cries
I mean nothing to no one, let's just have that shit clear
You only want me alive for comfort or coz you think survival's better, it's unfair
I'm the one who has to put up with these thoughts in my mind
While catering for your false need for me to survive
Even if it's by some crazy accident or a robbery gone wrong when I die
Just know I've been praying for it, my destiny's on the other side