[Verse 1]
Things don't look too good to me
I feel I'm out of luck
And all because of swollen glands
And just one stupid fuck
This wacko came from Alabama and
That's not where it's at
And now your jock's been chasing me round
With a great big baseball bat

[Chorus]
Don't kick my ass
Don't kick my ass
Don't kick my ass with a baseball bat, no

[Verse 2]
Well, I was in the mood for some love in bulk
Not a wrestling match with a some big hulk
And this here dude he was an uncool cat
And he beat me about my head with a baseball bat

[Chorus]
Don't kick my ass
Don't kick my ass
Don't kick my ass with a baseball bat, no
[Verse 3]
When I got up from being beat to the ground
I started itching around like a blue-tick hound
And I was aghast at what I found
The latest social disease that's been going around

[Outro]
I'll kick your ass (I'll kick your ass)
I'll kick your ass (I'll kick your ass)
I'll kick your ass with a baseball bat, bitch