Porn Star Tits

Eliza McLamb

When I was ten years old, a man on the internet
Told me I had porn star tits
I didn't know what that meant
But I knew he was getting off on it

So I wore a bikini top under my v-neck
Went to the mall to try on some makeup
Walked into GameStop looking for attention
But all I got was condescension

In seventh grade, I figured out
That my porn star tits are pretty powerful
They make boys be nice to me for a week

Then they trade that sh*t like Pokemon cards
Swapping my body with somebody else's
That's metrically hotter than mine
How can I, a seven, compete with all these nines?
(Dude, she thinks she's a seven)

Well, I guess I could steal their boyfriends
Or I guess I could go to church
I either play the whore or Madonna and I'm not sure which one's worse

Bought a pack of Marlboro Reds
'Cause I saw on Tumblr that's a pretty girl cigarette
Smoked one thinking it made me look cool
Then I threw it all up in the girls' bathroom at school

And on the weekends, I show up to parties that I'm not invited to
Out of spite, I have a good attitude
Dance all night 'til I end up in someone's room

I say, "I like the way you talk to me"
He says, "I like the way you look at me
Hey, by the way, if we sleep together
Tomorrow I'll act like I don't remember"

And that's when it dawned on me
That my porn star tits are pretty good currency
For mediocre sex and a feeling of total f**king emptiness

I mean, didn't I ask for it a little bit
In some strange way, I kinda like it
That voice in my head telling me, "Good girl, it's working, isn't it"
Isn't it? f**k

If I have to feel so disembodied, the body better be bangin'
It's gotta be the type to get me a few likes
On Instagram and a DM that says "sl*t"


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