Oh..
You can tell a dirty story
In the old conservatory
But don't go in the basement!

You can make a scene
On the mezzanine
But don't go in the basement!

You can fill yourself with static
With the ghosts up in the attic
But don't go in the basement!

You can light yourself a torch
On the old front porch
But don't go in the basement!

Oh you may think that it's real cool
To ride down the banister like some darn fool
Oh don't, don't, don't, DON'T
Don't go in the basement!

Hey!
You can feel quite aloof
Playing rummy on the roof
But don't go in the basement!
Where the cockroaches dance
You can wallow in romance
But don't go in the basement!

You may think that it's deluxe
To ride the elevator filled with ducks
Oh don't, don't, don't, DON'T
Don't go in the basement!

Uh-uh!